The Suppression of Masculine Sensuality & its Effects on Racism Today

Repost from @the.holistic.psychologist Artwork: @sarashakeel

Today I come to you with a topic that is extremely uncomfortable for me to talk about; race. But it is my voice that is my power, it is my voice that i’ve suppressed for so long out of fear of saying the “wrong” thing or doing the “wrong” thing. I want to expand and step outside the limitations of my fears by speaking about the things that matter, the things that are tearing up my heart and requiring me to dig deeper, to ask more questions, to become more educated and LOUDER when it comes to the subject of racism.

I am going to come at you all with a twist in my thoughts on racism, white male supremacists and the toxicity and division that our society is swimming in because of this patriarchal system. I am going to play “Devil's Advocate” here, it is Gemini season and one thing about me is; I have to see both sides in order to make “sense” and explore the “bigger picture” when it comes to the suppression and abuse of POC, in particularly the suppression and abuse of Black Males.

I want to warn you that this may be triggering, to some, it may evoke a lot of anger and misunderstanding, but I am going to try my best to relay the intuitive guidance I have received from Spirit to help me understand and empathize with POC, in particularly when it comes to experiencing abuse from White Males. I am also going to be touching on the subject of learning how to extend compassion to the White Males that are committing these racist acts. So, please, I ask you to remain open minded and open hearted to the information I am going to be sharing with you. And by all means, please feel free to share your opinion on this matter, because even starting a conversation about it will help to educate us and to bring new perspectives into the mix, it will allow for us to shed LIGHT on our Shadows (past). And if this doesn’t resonate for you, then that is okay too, please be kind and move along.

As I lean into the overwhelming grief and fear I feel spreading the nation after another Black Male was murdered for the color of his skin and for no other reason, I can’t help but pray for answers because it can be heart wrenching to be empathetic and see the violence and sense the changes taking place that have lived deeply imbedded into our psyche for generations. It can feel so heavy that we want to run away from it, we want to bury it, sweep it under the rug and ignore it. But it’s this behavior of avoidance that has us repeating history. So many of us want to scream, yell, fight back, riot and take a stand because we are emotionally entangled in the past and we are deeply HURTING. Not just POC, but also White Males, yes it’s the White Males that are deeply hurting and that is why they are hurting others.

So many young children, especially White young boys are being psychologically and emotionally abused by their caregivers. They are born into family blood lines that carry the psychological blueprint of racism. What I am asking you to do when it comes to seeing it from the perspective of the White Male cop who murdered George Floyd and all the other racist people you may know, is that they were TAUGHT this, they were taught to divide, segregate, judge and hate. At one time they were a pure soul, connected to the Whole of Humanity, until their caregivers unconsciously “brain washed” them into believing what they believed and what their ancestors believed was “right”, so in their reality their behavior is “justified” because it is learned, it’s literally all they know. This is how racism still exists, because it exists covertly behind doors of “respectable” White Men that are still making racist jokes, still using the N-word, still pointing out at stating their “differences”, still dwelling in the past psychologically, when their ancestors were slave owners and this unconscious behavior originated. They’re not conscious enough to know that their unconscious limiting beliefs are still running the show and controlling and dicatting their unconscious acts of racism that they have “normalized” as “acceptable” behavior in their mind from their own upbringing.

A lot of White Privilege folk, including myself, are living behind a mask of lies because they were taught to silence themselves, to keep quiet, to not stand up against the inequality or the violence and injustice. Our female ancestors were silenced, their voice they wouldn’t use out of fear of being abused ot abandoned if they spoke up against the injustices, so they did nothing. Today, in 2020, I am a channel for all the females that experienced that abuse and who silenced themselves out of fear, standing behind me and beside me, begging, urging and pleading that I use my voice, that it is safe now, that I will not be hurt for doing so.

They kept quiet to not “disturb the peace”, when in fact it was their silence that has kept it breeding. Instead of owning up to the limiting belief and taking responsibility to forgive themselves for their behavior, they continue to pass the unconscious hatred, silence and behaviors down to their children. So these young boys that grow up in this kind of environment, this environment where there is no room for “differences” greatly suppresses this young man and most White Males have a deep seated Father Wound that keeps them stuck in self sabotaging cycles in order to “please” their father and gain their “approval” at all cost, even if that means “acting out”. They will act like them, speak like them and behave like them. In childhood this was their only way of “surviving” and belonging to their “tribe”. Even though the soul is born whole, the ego was conditioned to see division and difference, so it will rely on it’s belief that was formed from their most trusted guide and leader, their father.

When I asked Spirit to help me understand more clearly why these things were still happening, it was very clear that it is happening because White Males are suffering and they are suppressing their emotions, their intuition, their expression, their voice and their soul. They are not living in alignment with their hearts, they are operating from their limiting beliefs passed down from their ancestors. They are a product of inherited racism. This truly is a thing, because it was something I was raised in. I too was taught to see division and difference. It was subtle, but still obvious to me as a child. I was taught to obey and listen to my White Father no matter what he said, even if his beliefs didn’t align with mine, I had to believe what he said in order to survive in my family unit, and as a child our Fathers are our most trusted ally. We believe they will always have our back and protect us. But what happens when the person you trust most in the world betrays you, abuses you and neglects you? You feel worthless, angry, sad, suffocated, fearful and unstable, and then you behave from this state of consciousness which results in acts of prejudice, hatred and violence.

I want to touch on how I was able to empathize with some of the pain that George Floyd may have experienced. I want to mention that I have never experienced the racial injustices that POC have, so I am not at all saying that I know what he was feeling, but empathy allows for us to put ourselves in another's shoes and to see what they may have been feeling in their difficult moments and being able to have and extend compassion.

So, I went out for a run Friday morning, I felt that I had some tension stored in my body and my egoic thoughts were extremely loud. I decided I needed some exercise. I wanted to feel pleasure, I wanted to feel good in my mind and body again. So, I took action to cultivate it. I worked through the resistance of sharing this message, and exploring my sensuality, and I was feeling good, focusing on my breath, enjoying my body, breath and Mother Earth, deeply connecting to my senses and I started to feel this heaviness begin to loosen up and expel out of my energetic body into tears and loud grunts out of my mouth. I started to break down, or if you will; breakthrough, on my run, but I was still moving, slowly, but I was releasing so much fear, tension, anger and pain stored in my body.

The crying only lasted a short time. I was still focusing on my breath and as I did I felt these memories float to the surface of my consciousness to be recognized, released and integrated. It was a collage of repressed memories running through my mind of all the times I was abused physically as a child. I remember being hit in the face for saying the “wrong” thing or for having a strong emotion like anger. And I would be grabbed by the arm with force and restriction to make me “stop”. As a young child who was unable to communicate, I felt powerless, my body would feel this outburst of rage, I was screaming so loud in my mind “GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME” “DON'T TOUCH ME” “YOU'RE HURTING ME” “PLEASE STOP”, “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?” I was crying and I was heartbroken. The man I loved and trusted to protect me (just like we rely on our “policemen” to protect us) more than anything in the world was hurting me, he was causing me so much pain that my nervous system would go into overdrive to try and calm me down. I would begin to cry so hard that I would hyperventilate. I could barely catch my breath and when I needed to cry to regulate myself I was told “stop crying” “it’s not that bad” “get over it” “you're fine”. So even after being physically abused I was emotionally neglected and this feeling of betrayal, grief, hurting and loss felt suffocating. I would weep until I couldn’t breathe and then I wasn’t allowed to be angry or upset or sad, I had to pretend that everything was okay, I had to continue to be loving and loyal to my Father that had just abused me and neglected me. I heard angry voices screaming in my head; “WHY ARE YOU HURTING ME” “I WANT TO HURT YOU LIKE YOU HURT ME” “I WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL THE PAIN YOU JUST CAUSED ME”. This is my hurting and betrayed inner child, calling out for connection and instead I got punishment. So, my experience was different, but I am sure George Floyd had the same emotions and thoughts arise during his abuse. I empathize with him because I too was abused by a White Male that I trusted and respected.

Because I was usually punished for feeling my emotions I just stopped feeling them at all, I was suffocating inside. I disconnected from pleasure, I stopped being myself, I stopped using my voice and I stopped expressing myself out of fear. My point with sharing all this is; White Males were taught to behave this way because it is the behavior modeled to them by our eldest leaders, all the way back to when they invaded this land, originally a land of POC, and they unconsciously psychologically and emotionally manipulated their offspring to do the same.

What I want you to see with this is; White Males are the victims, and I know that’s going to make you cringe, because it makes me do the same. But if there is one thing I’ve learned about incarnating into a racist and patriarchal bloodline it is this; these White Males are suffering because they are so disconnected from their heart space, their empathy and emotions. They have fears of betrayal from their own upbringing and they are neglecting themselves emotionally as a result of their upbringing. I am not saying this is an excuse for their behavior. They need guidance and nurturing to help them understand, not more ridicule and judgment and hatred, that’s using “fire” to fight “fire” what we need to TEACH them as strong, emotionally and mentally stable women is how to connect with their emotions and body in a healthy way, how to nourish and tend to their gifts and goodness. It is our job as mothers to provide a safe and healthy (psychologically, emotionally, verbally, and physically) home and father for our children, but if we can’t provide it for ourselves we’re going to attract men that are also unhealthy mentally, emotionally and or physically. A lot of White Privilege folk are the victims of psychological and emotional abuse, this is their trauma, that they are in denial about, that is making them behave in this toxic way. I believe that if White Males were supported emotionally and mentally they wouldn’t be taking out their anger and rage at their fathers onto other men, not just men of color, but also other men in general and also women of domestic violence. If less White Males were victims of psychological and emotional abuse from their caregivers we would see less Black Males (females) and POC murdered and victims of racism.

When we get back to the roots, it was never Black Males that were the “problem” it was the White Males all along. We’ve just been trained to love and be loyal to them out of fear. We’ve been taught to betray and neglect ourselves, our intuitions, our voices and our pleasure by this system as a way to suppress our power and our unity. Because just Imagine all of us working together, all of us RISING together. We could most definitely take back our POWER as the PEOPLE, rather then be lead by a few “not so good” men. Slavery was the “perfect” way to divide us psychologically so that we would stay segregated and never reach our full potential as HUMANITY, as one cohesive class.

I wanted to ask Spirit what was the original “fear” of POC and where it stemmed from. I could not believe the answer I received. Spirit showed me a Black Male who was deeply connected to his heart space, his soul and his intuition. I was shown how powerful he was, how sensual he was, how magnetic he was, how passionate he was, how deeply intune to the Earth and Nature He was. And I had this aha moment that felt like dominos falling perfectly aligned in my mind, all leading to a sequence of events that has brought us here, to this time in history.

The more I thought about our history and White Males enslaving POC, the more it all made sense, especially with Natives as well, their power was their deep connection to Mother Earth, to their Spirit and intuition. They gathered together to take care of one another. Their community was loyal and loving to each other and to the Earth, they lived for Her because they knew that they would have no Life without Her. It all began to make sense as to why White Males wanted to “break the backs” of Black Males, because they felt angry of their power to connect and LEAD so profoundly with LOVE< with their HEART, SENSES and the Earth. And if they could abuse their bodies and mind, by punishing them for their “difference” even though it was beautiful and they were designed that way to be guardians of the Earth, to protect the land and animals, and when you take that away from Black Males and Natives, when you suppress their most valuable and treasured God given gifts, you strip it from every other man and woman on the planet.

So many White Males are suppressing their passion, their intuition, their hearts desires and their love in order to please others, particularly their elders, their ancestors because they feel this unwavering loyalty to their beliefs, even if it means contributing to systemic racism. It's the White Males that we need to be SHOWING up SPEAKING up and STANDING up with their Brothers of Color. We need more White Males who are deeply connected to their hearts space, their intuition, their sensuality and the Earth. We need more White Males to be leaders for a new generation of young men.

Young men need an outlet for their emotions. They need a stable support system of other men. They need a community that allows for them to stay healthy psychologically. They need to be taught how to reunite with their senses and feel genuine pleasure again. Because if more White Men were connected to their innate pleasure and power they would be encouraging, leading, guiding and modeling behavior that empowered other men, that would flood the Earth with love, peace and unity. They would be working together as a team because they would see that what is inside all POC, all that beauty power and connection is inside them as well, they would no longer see division, they would be living and breathing from their heart space with the knowing that we are ONE.

I know that this is an unconventional and unpopular way to look at things, especially racism. It’s much easier to stay angry at White Males, it’s easier to see them as “awful” and “horrible” and “wrong”. But in my observation and experience it is that violence and abuse that originated from the White Males in the first place that is causing the violence and suffering in the world today. So, my solution is to seek understanding, empathy and more than anything forgiveness and compassion. Because of my upbringing I was a part of systemic racism, and I didn’t even know it because it was “normal” for me. My family and I are loving, kindhearted souls that have the ability to love deeply, but with our Ancestral Beliefs our minds/egos were manipulated to seek the hatred, to normalize violence, pain and suffering. Compassion allows for us to forgive ourselves and to move forward more informed, more educated, more fearless and more empowered.

Our voice is our power, our peace and pleasure are our power. Staying silent has been the “problem” in my opinion, so even if I don’t get it “right” or even if I am still learning and expanding my consciousness on the matter of racism, I will gladly and willingly continue to shift my beliefs to align with unity. I will do my work to create and cultivate my own peace and pleasure, so that I can model this for generations to come, so one day we don’t feel like we have to steal other’s pleasure and happiness to create our own. I will continue to do the work to heal my psychological and emotional abuse so that I don’t carry this pain and anger around with me, just waiting for it to be uprooted by past trauma and projected unconsciously onto others. I will continue to do my work to embody love and to pass that down to generations to come. And I will continue to do my work to reunite and connect deeply with my sesuality and Mother Earth, so that She can provide me with the support I need, in order to feel safe to be in this White Female body and lead, speak up and be seen without fear of being punished.

I created and linked a video I made for my YouTube channel as well. Please, Like, Subscribe & Share if this message resonated for you! :)

Thank you for reading!

Love and blessings, Ashley <3