The Power of Our Pleasure

I remember being a child and feeling sexually frustrated. The energy left me feeling so confused about my sexuality and my body. I’ve recently had memories surface of times when I remember holding my hand on my vagina and crying, being so irritated that I couldn’t get this feeling to go away. The feeling I was experiencing then that I was unaware of at the time was a vibration in my vagina, a constant contact with Creation Energy. When I wouldn’t allow myself to feel this sensation because I didn’t know what to do with it, I didn’t know how to express it and honestly it was very powerful, it intimidated me, I thought there had to be something wrong with me. It felt like there was an animal inside of me, I often felt this in times of anger and rage, but I was never taught to express it or vocalize it. It was left untamed inside of me and lead to self destructive behaviors. No one discussed it and I felt like I was the only one this is happening to, it made me feel isolated. At an early age I began to disconnect from my sexual energy and in replace of it I clung to the “outside” to the material world to stimulate the feeling of support and love I had abandoned. When I would repress this energy as a child or adolescent I would become sad, lonely, depressed, bored, angry and irritated.

When I experience the same emotions today I can use it to see where I am disconnected from Source, from myself and the connection to The Divine. I know how to create and circulate the energy up into my heart space. This helps to relieve the desire to be physically stimulated, whether that be through sex, food or even drama. I am not sexually active as I am being guided to remain celibate at this time as I form a healthy relationship with this energy that is far more useful for creating stability than it is for ego gratification. This can sometimes leave me feeling envious, but I’ve come to realize that it is sacred, and a privilege to understand my own sexual energy before merging with another. It is not what everyone else is doing, I have been so used to equating my worthiness and attraction to being desired sexually that I lost track of my value and respect. We've been taught to disown our sexuality, or abuse it, but that cuts off our ties to seeing beyond the surface and we struggle to trust our intuition. We don’t follow our hearts and desires and we begin to seek externally for validation. I’ve had to unlearn this behavior and recognize this belief and teach myself how to use this energy to come back to the present moment, how to be at one with myself. Once I learned that I can create an orgasm without any physical touch I felt completely liberated from my sexual frustration. My womb feels free again. I feel the energy pumping in my chest and I feel every cell in my body moving in unison to the beat of my heart. It is a full body orgasm that relaxes the tension, creating a symphony of sorts, it’s a way that I connect to my sensations and allow myself to bask in the energy of abundance and pure creation. Our true nature is orgasmic.

I have deep sexual desires that I want to express, but I also feel like a young child who is vulnerable and uncertain. I want to explore my desires without shame and guilt. We aren’t always allowed to explore this side of us as children and when doing it as an adult it can feel uncomfortable, it can be easier to stay closed off because it’s learned behavior, the feeling of allowing yourself to feel pleasure can feel “wrong”. Rigid religious beliefs and upbringings, sexual traumas and sexual repression can keep us from forming a healthy relationship with our divinity and with others. We feel divided and separated from our essence. This makes us feel isolated and rejected by others, but it’s coming from a wound created from within, from a disconnect of Creation Energy. We’ve become attached to our physical bodies to come in contact with this feeling and we have lost sight of our moral compass, our intuition, our emotions, our hearts, and our desires. Each desire is placed in your heart by The Divine, you can trust it, but first you must trust yourself again.

We don’t teach young children to form a healthy relationship with their sexual energy (Creation Energy), most children go uneducated in this subject, but what gets me is that it is our most valuable resource. It is an endless wellspring of energy that we tap into, so that we never feel depleted and we never feel rejected, abandoned, or unsupported. Our societal information on sexual education is shallow and its views on sex are repulsive and dangerous to young men and women and their self esteem. Our power comes from our sexual energy, but if we’re taught to give our precious bits to every Tom, Dick, and Harry we are just giving our power away to sometimes a stranger we met online or at a random bar. It’s like taking your sacred paintbrush and dipping it into all the colors before rinsing after every one and every use, the colors start to bleed and mix together, turning a dark color. Think of your sexual encounters and choices affecting your energy body in the same way. Keep your canvas and paintbrush clean, by respecting your sexual energy instead of being controlled by its “survival needs”. Take a step back from your sexual desires and see what they are revealing to you about yourself.

This culture is toxic and it is taking a toll on us mentally, physically, and spiritually. This societal illusion is bringing up so many fears to be revealed. The Divine is assisting me and guiding me to activities that help to unite me with this energy in a healthy way. I became co-dependent on substances like food, mostly sugar and the approval of others as a way to activate the feeling of pleasure that I was denying myself. While these things made the feeling subside for a while, it always came back with a vengeance. This kept my harmful habits on an endless loop and I still felt unsatisfied with life.

When we are disconnected from our sexual energy and we shame our bodies we create a very toxic environment internally, which always projects outwardly and reflects mostly in our relationships and environments. We also tend to form addictions as a way to cope with our lack for life. Always looking for that next “high” to numb the pain and ease the discomfort and judgment we feel. So many of us feel discontent with life because we aren’t expressing our sexuality in a healthy way, and no one has taught this to us. We are taught to consume, we are taught to repress, shame and literally give our most powerful source of energy away to others.

When there is “darkness” such as shame and guilt associated with our sexual energy this creates an imbalance in different areas of our life; we struggle with confidence, money, stability, trust, and in the physical body this can manifest as dis-ease; for example; UTI’s, constipation, back pain, digestive issues, conception and fertility problems, things like PCOS, prostate and ovarian cancer. When we spend years repressing this energy it can make us depressed, anxious and angry, resulting in tumultuous relationships and a lack of purpose.

Our purpose is held in our Creation Energy, without exploring our sexual energy we will struggle to find the meaning in life, we may settle for survival needs instead of following the heart and our desires. In this way the Patriarchy is benefiting because it causes illness in our bodies and we're taught to consume, spend money on medicines that only band-aid the illness, not resolve and heal it. And the pharmaceutical companies are thriving financially off our lack of self awareness. The distortion of the sexual energy in this country is quite literally killing our citizens and also putting them at risk to experience things like sexual abuse, assault, rape and molestation. It is the perfect concoction for a hierarchy. A majority suffer in silence, because they are too afraid to express the emotions associated with our sexual energy; passion, pleasure, excitement, joy, abundance and also anger and frustration. We are taught at an early age to emotionally abandon our true nature; pure pleasure, love and joy and that our “dark” emotions aren’t acceptable, especially young girls, who aren’t encouraged to express anger and rage, but are taught to be happy and please others no matter what, that is extremely unhealthy and leaves most women feeling resentful and manipulative. For men they have been taught to replace passion with practicality and they never get to explore the side of them that unites them with their creator, their leader, their power and their infinite provider. They are taught to rely on the outside, to obey the system and follow orders. This leaves most grown men feeling angry, resentful and dissatisfied, like they never have enough. For men and women, both, this has disconnected us from the feeling of unity, another great ploy for division and control.

The only thing keeping us from uniting with this energy within us are the beliefs we’ve carried deep in the subconscious which is linked to our chakra system and the energetic memory we store in each one, especially the root and sacral chakras that for many lifetimes, each lifetime deeply ingrained the belief of separation from the soul. The distortion and disconnection of our sexual energy is the perfect tactic for domination because it leaves people feeling helpless, like a victim and we must rely on the “system”, keeping us chained and bound to corruption and consumerism, stuck in a cycle of powerlessness.

Most of us came to experience scenarios in which we feel trapped, helpless and victims in order to teach ourselves how to transcend this belief that our power lies outside of us, and how to take charge by taking conscious action from a heart centered space, from the internal wellspring of life, our creative life force energy, instead of from a survival need. I have been running a lot lately, this stimulates my energy and helps me express and heal my anger, grief and sexual frustration. When doing activities that do this, that activate my pleasure center I feel myself taking back control over my health, value and my body image. Taking back my free will choice to feel joy, to feel orgasmic and liberated. That is the goal, not physical pleasure, not a physical relationship, not physical security, but of the stabilizing of our energy, of the nurturer and provider, the masculine and feminine energies within that create stability externally. Only after the faulty foundation has crumbled and been cleaned up. Our current reality is based on a belief system that is not structurally sound, it has no depth, our roots are dead and need tended to, but right now we’re only focused on what others see, this stops us from doing the “work” that probably won’t be recognized and validated outside of us. This belief system will collapse and we will be gently pushed to see beyond our preconceived ideas about our world and the people around us. Questioning every belief we’ve based our entire identity on is not easy, it takes honesty, humility and an open mind and heart. The dismantling of my patriarchal mindset is being replaced by my power to believe in a force higher than my own. This keeps me humble, but expansive and gives me a sense of ownership over my life and my choices. My mind is no longer persuaded by outside beliefs, judgments and opinions. To me that is the ultimate revolution. I’ve also been dancing and working with my breath to use my powerful energy to embody pleasure, to reconnect with that vibration in my vagina and be unified and whole in every moment. It’s funny now, because I find myself grabbing my vagina again, only this time I am rubbing it and chanting “I love my pussy!” This gives me such a surge of empowerment. Especially as women, our sexual energy is not meant to be exerted, it is meant to be held. Too many women have been out serving and pleasing men with their pussy hoping to “find the one” or get a ring and misusing their sacred energy instead of becoming their own lover, trusting in their Divine Father to lead them to their partner and learning how to create a sanctuary within that calls in the partner (gender does not apply). We are not taught this, our society teaches young women to keep up with men, that men desire women who are promiscuous. Most men are taught to focus solely on the body, to dismiss the emotional side of sex and intimacy and only stimulate themselves.

Our culture has turned sex into selfishness, into ego gratification, into a lifeless and meaningless activity that has nothing to do with creation or the unification and merging of energies. No one tells us that each sexual encounter is like an exchange of our value. We’re taught to “hook up”, but what we don’t realize is that we’re not just hooking up with one person, we’re also hooking up with every person the person we’re hooking up with has ever hooked up with. So essentially you think you’re having sex with one person, but you’re actually receiving the energy of any person that has entered the womb space or has been in contact with the penis. This clogs our energy and chakra system and we have trouble discerning our emotions and energy from the emotions and energies of others. We become emotionally entangled and can easily lose our emotional anchor, leaving us feeling “lost at sea” and abandoned emotionally.

This is happening because most people are having sex unconsciously, they struggle to be present during sex because of shame of their sexuality, their sexual traumas and or body shame. Where are you at mentally during a sexual exchange? Sex is meant to unite you with All That Is, with your soul and the Creator. It is a love triangle between you, your partner and The Divine. When God or Creation Energy is absent from your exchange it is a depletion of energy, a lesson in self worth. You deserve to be making love with The Divine, yet so many of us are too focused on the grand finale, the immediate gratification, rushing the process and releasing. But a sexual exchange goes far beyond the physical and elevates your consciousness into oneness. It is to be held in the body. It is a time of recharging our energies. Our genitals are gateways to Heaven, it’s time that we start treating them with respect.

I wish I would have been taught these things as a child, I wish there would have been more information and knowledge for parents to help children who have strong Creation Energy. What we’re not taught is that our sexual energy is our creative power. When we are using this energy to create we can become successful, ethical and powerful business women and men. Our children could be making a lot of money with their gifts, ideas and talents at a very young age if more of us were taught how to productively use and express this energy. It is time to bring it out of the darkness and into the light. Creation Energy is our light, and that’s why so many of us feel in the dark right now, because we’re disconnected from the energy of our creator, from our soul, from our passion, from our power.

Thank you for reading!

Love & blessings, Ashley <3