The Fear of Rejection

The fear of rejection is probably the number one fear that stops us from doing what we feel in our heart. When we fear being rejected by a romantic interest, our family members and our peers we generally end up creating scenarios in which we are rejected. The fear of rejection ultimately creates rejection in our life to teach us where we are internally rejecting ourselves. Where we hold beliefs of not being worthy enough to have that which we desire.

What I have found out about myself, and I have been doing this my entire life, but only recently became aware of it. I reject myself before I can be rejected by something or someone else. We use the fear of rejection as a way to self sabotage ourselves. We created this fear as a defense mechanism to keep us from being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is the most terrifying thing we can do. It leaves us feeling defenseless and needing. Being vulnerable is also an act of courage and bravery. We have the option to look at vulnerability in two ways, as a weakness or as a strength. When we act on a desire that makes us feel vulnerable we can build ourselves up by telling ourselves how brave and strong we are for allowing ourselves to be truly seen or we can come at it believing that we worthless and weak. What we choose to react from will determine the outcome.

We can choose to see rejection as protection. Most often when we are rejected we are being redirected. At the time of rejection the pain can be immense, our hearts are broken and we can’t possibly understand how it could be a blessing in disguise, an opportunity to receive something or someone in a more profound way. We have to allow ourselves to feel the rejection and understand where it’s coming from, most likely it is a belief of undeservedness. By taking the time to understand the rejection we can discover more about ourselves and our resistance to being vulnerable. In rejection we are given the opportunity to evaluate where we need to love ourselves more and find out what our needs are so that we can learn to meet them ourselves instead of relying on someone else to meet them for us. Rejection gives us a chance to get to know ourselves more intimately, in return we are able to meet another from a place of vulnerability. When we meet another in intimate vulnerability we are meeting from a place of innocence and authenticity. From this state we have a chance to grow and to learn and to understand each others needs. When we know our needs we no longer feel rejected because we know that if a need cannot be met outside of us, we can provide and meet that need for ourselves.

The fear of rejection can be paralyzing, it’s important to be gentle with ourselves as we sit with this feeling knowing that is only an illusion created to keep us safe to keep us from being open and seen. Once we begin to stop rejecting ourselves we will never feel rejected by anyone or anything. We will come to know that anything or anyone that rejects us was not meant for us in that moment and we will thank God for the protection.