The "Enemy" that is Our Envy

The path of my “spiritual awakening” has really just been a journey of learning how to receive. Receive love, happiness, fulfillment, joy, passion, purpose, and intimate connection. As a society we have neglected our “yin” nature and we tend to strictly focus on our “yang” nature. My journey has been about reestablishing balance in my life. How to rest and slow down, how to listen to the wisdom of my own body and emotions. How to receive the intuitive nudges from Source so that I could learn to give (yang) more unconditionally, without attachments and pain.

When we have attachment wounds or we tend to be emotionally codependent we rely on others to validate ourselves. We tend to like people who gratify our egos and tell us nice things and we get irritated at people who judge and criticize us, How Dare They? kind of attitude, so instead of being grateful for the people helping us to address our own self criticism and judgement we disown or belittle them, because this is how we were taught to treat ourselves, it’s an echo of the voice of our own mind, so obviously it’s going to reflect externally through relationship, even if it’s a stranger in traffic, you’re projecting your undesired emotions onto others and blaming an outside circumstance to validate the childlike tantrum behavior, most likely never to their face, of course, but behind their back as a way to validate the displesentry of the emotional reaction created from the interaction and to release the heavy burden of emotion that isn’t consciously being addressed within the emotional body.

We can easily lose track of our feelings and sensitivity to the energy around us if we’re not choosing to be present with our body and emotions in every moment, which allows for us to naturally calm our overactive logical (yang) minds. Then we begin making confident decisions from a place of empowerment rather than from fear. When we are caught up in fear we are disconnected from our physical bodies, we are not grounded to our wisdom, so we make decisions from the survival part of our mind, rather than trusting in the unknown of our highest path, believing that if our “map” is in the wisdom of our bodies, when we feel aligned and amped, excited, powerful, overwhelmed with peace and love we are “on the right path”.

Our body is always speaking to us, but we can only hear it when we slow down and create time to nurture and care for it (yin). When we start paying attention to our bodies we get out of our own head and out of our own way. The mind is our greatest tool, but it must be strengthened and exercised just as frequently as the physical body. Most of us are so fixated on how we present ourselves to the world physically we forget to “clean up” the inside, our thoughts and energy. We look to the outside and get caught in mental traps of envy that tell us that the grass would be greener on the other side if only I had more money, a better body, a higher paying career, a nicer home, more followers, more time, more help, more, more, more… that is how you’ll know you’re in the vibration of envy, when you want more, when you finish eating and want more, when you have money and want more, when you have love and want more. That feeling is an indication of being disconnected from Source, because when connected to your life force energy, you feel endless, you transcend the physical identification to the body and the world and you reside in a state of surrendered acceptance that allows for you to stay calm, supported and grateful in every moment.

We like when people compliment us, it makes us feel seen, loved and appreciated, but if we only ever expect this to come from outside of us we’re going to start feeling empty and resentful. When we feel empty it’s because we’re relying on the outside to fuel us, we tend to be self absorbed and only look at what others aren’t doing for us, this keeps us stuck in the energy of lack and envy.

The enemy of envy will drag you down into the pits of your self created hell faster than any other vibration. It’s a lower emotional frequency that will suck you dry, it will make you become addicted to the approval of others, to constant complaining and negativity. No matter how much others try to love, support, validate and compliment you, it still won’t be enough. It will never be enough because you are not supplying it yourself. When we feel we don’t have enough or we have a constant belief that tells us we must have more. We get caught up in what we don’t have rather than placing our focus on appreciating what we do have.

Maybe what we have isn’t much, maybe it’s not what everybody else has, but we still have everything we need. What we need and what we want can be two very different things. One is generally for our highest good and the other is for ego gratification. For example; for our highest good we may need to be separated from someone we love temporarily in order for the relationship to evolve, this is what we need in order to grow, but it will not be what we want at all. It’s in those moments that we have to decide if we will trust in our highest self and soul or if we will listen to the voices of our controlling and gratifying ego.

Learning to find the “good” in everyone and every situation requires a lot of self awareness and discipline. Every time we find ourselves complaining or judging, either internally through our inner dialogue or in a conversation, we must redirect our focus onto gratitude, on complementing. We don’t just have to compliment people and their physical presence, we can also compliment the environment, the smell, the decor, the sound, the vibes, the feeling. And if we find that we don’t like where we are or who we are with, that is the perfect indication of what may need to be resolved and addressed. This is the most challenging part, because it asks us to get brutally honest with ourselves, it asks us to make the changes necessary in order to surround yourself with what you do want, instead of just envying and not taking action.

When we find that we are engaging in conversation or environments that are filled with complaining and negativity it is because we are most likely stuck in that own energy within ourselves, never quite happy with our bodies, our bank accounts, our homes, vehicles, electronics. We struggle to be grateful and appreciate what we already have because our minds are constantly stuck in “yang” mode. Going, going, going, giving, controlling, “making things happen” rather that believing and trusting in yourself enough to allow yourself to receive. So many of us love to give, gifts, compliments, gestures, advice, yet we struggle to receive the same.

One way that I began learning how to receive was through giving more compliments. I wanted to receive more love and kindness, so I had to become more loving and kind and not just to others, but most importantly to myself. I would practice looking in the mirror and telling myself I was beautiful, strong and sexy, complimenting my own body and energy. At first I struggled to believe those words I was telling myself. I had to repeatedly practice it and include practicing the emotion that would accompany it as well. As I began to do this for myself I naturally became more complimentary and kind to others. I found that once those compliments and validation came from me, I no longer needed them to come from others as a way to feel “good” about myself. I practiced embodying the emotions of feeling “good” rather than waiting for someone else to evoke it through a compliment or action.

One of the most challenging parts was not to expect anything in return and to not be let down when I didn’t receive what I wanted. I had to begin to look beyond the surface of what it meant to receive, it wasn’t always obvious giant gestures, sometimes it was just a smile or a wave from a stranger. I noticed as I began to open myself up, instead of staying closed off, that I became more attractive, not in the physical sense, but in an energetic sense. I had a greater capacity to receive because my heart center began to expand and open. When our hearts are closed off this blocks are ability to receive. Opening your heart helps expand your mind and your expectations begin to minimize because you’re seeing from a broader perspective that allows for you to open up to more, more wisdom, intelligence, support and love. My energy became more inviting and fluid which allowed me to stay calm and centered in situations that once left me feeling negative, defensive and vulnerable. I recognized that by complimenting myself rather than complaining about myself elevated my energy and began to shift my perspective. If all we do is complain about our bodies, relationships, jobs and bank accounts, of course we are going to attract others who do the same, perpetuating the cycle.

I learned how to constantly shift my focus to gratitude, to seek the light in the darkest times, to rely on my own love and support first, before relying on the love and support of others.

Practicing gratitude is what helped pull me out of victim consciousness. Every time I wanted to focus on negativity or speak negatively about others, my own body or a situation I would find anything around me to be appreciative of, whether it was snow falling outside the window, or the sound of a familiar song playing in the background, or the breath in my lungs giving me life, or the heartbeat in my chest keeping me alive, or the smell of coffee brewing, the sound of a child laughing. Whatever it was in that moment, I would place my attention upon it until I came back to an energy of abundance. Slowly over time this teaches your brain to fire in new ways, creating new pathways in the brain, making it easier and easier over time to create the energy of abundance on command.

Abundance is an energy we all have unlimited access to, it can never be taken away from us. What happens is we move far away from that feeling because often times it doesn’t always sparkle and shine. When learning how to be grateful we will most likely meet chaos along the way, these are lessons that help us grow in self compassion and gratitude. That teach us how to find inner peace, so that we no longer have to rely on anything outside of us, whether it be a compliment or a loving hug, we can create the feeling within us without an external factor. That is the goal, to seek the beauty in the mess, to find peace in the turbulence, to find solitude amongst the noise, and to find your love hiding behind your fear.

I am not going to lie, at first it is going to be a lot easier to complain, it’s become habitual, but over time it will become easier and easier to compliment and if you can’t do that, then the next best thing to do is stay silent. If you find yourself only complaining because that’s what the people around you are doing, then don’t join in just to feel like you belong, don’t say anything at all. This protects your energy above all else, because as soon as you give into someone else's poison you will suffer the illness as well.

Gossip and judgement are toxic habits that can keep you stuck in cycles of self doubt, lack and poverty for years. It is the kind of energy that leads to addictive behaviors, it keeps you bound to feelings like guilt and shame. Residing in these lower based energies can cause stress and illness to the body, mind and soul. The simple practice of complimenting yourself daily can help heal this stubborn energy. Notice how often you complain and then discipline yourself enough to do better next time. Self forgiveness will be necessary every time we find ourselves judging, criticizing and complaining about others, we have to begin to use them to see ourselves more clearly and wholly. When we see things in others we don’t like, whatever it is, whether it be an attitude, an outfit, a facial or body feature, it is a reflection of you and you’ve either accepted that part of you, you see in them, or you haven’t, and if you haven't, that is when you will judge the most harshly and you will know that is where your “work” is.

Every time I wanted to judge another for the way they dressed, the way they talked or behaved I had to do a self inventory and check myself before I started wrecking myself and potentially others. Because you know when someone “pisses us off” and we’re mad and irritated about it all day, it steals our energy and it’s then we are giving our power away, we begin to allow the actions of another to determine our whole day. That shitty mood will bleed out to the people around you and your negative energy will repel them.

So, if you’re looking to receive more, you must be willing to give more, and not to others, but to yourself. I know, you’re not going to like it, because what you will find is; it’s a lot easier to give to others than it is to give to ourselves. When this began happening for me I felt the same exact way, I didn’t want to compliment myself, I wanted someone to love me enough to do it for me, but that wasn’t the case. But it did give me the greatest gift, how to love myself unconditionally, how to stop waiting around to be loved and give that love to myself so that I could open up and freely receive that love from another. It taught me how to fill my own cup so that I could overflow with all the love I wanted to receive. Without learning how to love and compliment myself I would still be stuck in the energy of lack and envy, because until we love ourselves fully we will always feel empty and we will always be searching.

It’s never too late and you’re never too old to begin the journey of receiving. As much as I have grown “spiritually” the purpose seems to have been to balance my masculine and feminine energies, to align with the infinite supply of life force that had always been within me. Learning how to receive my own love taught me what true love is, it’s not from a partner, a child, or a big home, not even a high paying career or marriage, but from my own eternal soul. It is the only thing that can never be taken away from me, not even through death will we part.

Thank you for reading!

Love & blessings, Ashley <3