Set Boundaries to Feel like a Millionaire

“I’ve got love, enough to spare, and that makes me a millionaire” ~ Chris Stapleton

I love this song, as I began writing it was the song playing and I can relate to the lyrics so genuinely because I feel the only thing I have to offer anyone else or myself is love. I used to see this as a flaw, that i just love “too much” and too deeply. I used to believe there was something wrong with me for not only feeling love so deeply, but to feel all the emotions on the spectrum deeply. Feeling deeply has now become my guide and when I am feeling confused (mentally) the only way I can come back to my center is by allowing myself to feel all my emotions, whether I like what I am feeling at the moment or not. In this process I am discovering more about why I am in the space that I am in and trying (sometimes too hard) to get myself out of it, especially in a practical sense. But it seems the more I rely on my inner guidance the more I learn that love is the answer. Love is always the answer. Sometimes, actually most of the time, this makes absolutely no sense to my logical mind and honestly all I want to do is react from anger. I have to sit with the anger, and the voices of the past that arise in that emotional state and choose to see through love. It is the most irritating lesson, it is a challenge for me. I am so used to being angry and reacting from that space that I have to move extremely slow so that I have time to sit with my emotions to see what the deeper rooted issue is, why am I being so deeply triggered by something I know is only happening for my spiritual growth while also honoring all of my emotions and my humanness.

In the midst of serious spiritual growth, which often times can feel like it is happening TO us, but in all reality is happening FOR us, because honestly it’s what the soul wants. Not what our minds want, and it most often does not look like what we want. This can trigger the ego and the irrational inner child, most often creating conflict within which we then project outwardly, most often onto our partners. But we cannot meet ourselves on a new level while still being attached to the outside circumstances. I feel the point in where I am now is to be my own rock, how to support myself, but at the same time allowing myself to be supported by my spirit team and divine partner. It is such an unfamiliar concept for me, allowing myself to be supported in love by another can make me feel suffocated. I get triggered easily in the midst of deep spiritual growth because I don’t always feel sure of where I am going or what it’s going to look like. This brings up all my insecurities and it can be challenging to allow the person I love deeply to see me in such a vulnerable and raw state, it is easy for me to close myself off in this space, to not allow him to see this side of me, the woman who is scared, insecure and slightly unstable. So I end up doing this thing where I act super tough, but what I want to do is break down. I don’t want to be seen as weak and I get trapped in my mind. Also at the same time I cannot nor will I allow myself to shame these aspects of myself. Yes, they are past versions of myself that I am working on releasing, at the same time they are still with me and it is my job as a human and spirit to love these aspects of myself and to meet them with compassion.

It is easy for me to be transparent with my partner when I am feeling top notch, but not when I am feeling down, what I feel I am learning about being in a relationship right now is that it’s not always going to be glamorous and filled with passion. There are going to be ups and downs. There are going to be times when it challenges me and it’s important for me to know myself well enough that I don’t react from my wounded inner child. I feel like I am just meeting myself for the first time, I barely know who I am, there is so much to discover. At times it seems so terrifying, but at other times it feels like an adventure. Every time I feel us distance ourselves energetically it can trigger my codependency wound and I have to allow myself to move through this space with as much ease and grace as possible. I’ve gotten so much better at doing this and taking care of myself without reacting strongly to us or him needing our space. I used to view it as “I am not good enough” and this would spiral out of control, especially emotionally as my wounded ego was being triggered. I was faced with a similar situation the other night and I did feel myself pull away for a brief moment because that wound was being triggered, but I was able to see it more rationally and react from a different space. This is why I am thankful for physical distance because it has taught me how to truly sit with myself in the midst of emotional chaos and how to react from compassion.

I feel Kuan Yin (The Goddess of Compassion) with me closely now as I move through this energy of transformation and rebirth. When I am needing to rest, which honestly I am not always the best at, it may look like it on the outside, but on the inside I am constantly trying to figure things out as a way to make myself feel safe, to help me understand what is happening and how to get myself out of this space. But what I should be doing and what my guides and ascended masters are doing, is helping me sit in this space and not react from it, to simply observe it so that it can pass by with ease. To see the attachments from the past arise and not cling to them. Too often we want to cling to what is familiar in the process of transformation, that’s why outdated aspects of self arise in this period of growth, to come up with a solution. But because you want to do something new you can’t take advice from the “old” you, you have to rely on your intuition and guidance, which takes a immense amount of self trust and faith in a power higher than yourself to direct you, this is INTIMIDATING… I am learning how to build myself up through the power of love instead of shaming myself and in return self destructing which only moves me further away from the energy I am cultivating and the desired outcome I am creating.

I went through a transformation similar to this one about two years ago. It’s nice to look back on what I did then as a way to motivate me and guide me in the present. I am also in a similar situation physically as I was then, I am noticing this time around that I am in this familiar scenario because of the deeply held beliefs I had about myself and relationships. The energy of the home I am currently in is a lot like the home that I grew up in as a child. It is filled with chaos, instability, anger, worry, codependency, victim consciousness, emotional abuse and verbal abuse. If I wasn’t in the place I am internally, there is no way that I could make it through this time and still have peace of mind. Two years ago this spring I co-created (though I was unaware at the time) a “Tower moment” to push me out of this same toxic environment that I am currently in. It’s awesome though because now I am aware and I know I will lift right out of here with ease… If I can trust myself and take intuitive action this time. My guides keep telling me to see all from the eyes of love. Which I didn’t do two years ago, two years ago I was trying to fix and change people I was taking on their grief, feeling depleted and over giving my love while feeling resentment for loving others that treated me like garbage.

Leaving the energy of love as a child is where I abandon myself. I remember being a very young child and knowing that love and relationships and family were all part of my purpose. I also remember growing up and watching my parents version of love and their relationship dynamic and knowing that this is not what love felt like. It felt like I was living with strangers and I wanted to run away, so I did, from myself, from love, from God. It felt like too much of a burden to give all this love to people that couldn’t love me like I needed. It felt unfair, and honestly sometimes it still feels that way, but I have to keep giving love to the people that hurt me most because without them I wouldn’t be who I am and I never would have learned how to give the love I was so desperately seeking from them and give it to myself, which is the ultimate form of unconditional love. So, ironically through the contrast of conditional love I learned unconditional love. This was so hard for my logical mind to understand, and it was so much easier when I had my family to blame for my problems. But because of my dysfunctional family I have learned what it is I don’t want and how to have a healthy dynamic in the relationship with myself and family so that I could have the dream I so desired as a young girl. Now that I can love myself unconditionally I can love them the same and although sometimes it is challenging it feels right in my heart and that’s what matters to me, not revenge, not payback, not anger or resentment, just peace, just love. I no longer feel this internal conflict with them anymore and I think that is the lesson, that is why I am revisiting my past, I am getting a second chance to react from unconditional love instead of past pain. So while it is challenging, it is rewarding at the same time and also there are my nephews whom I love deeply and enjoy spending time with, they also help me see my family through the eyes of a child. Their innocence reminds me of my own.

There are days that are hard because I know that I am saying goodbye to my family, not forever, but leaving those attachments behind and my frequency is no longer a match to theirs and so I know that with them is not where I belong. It's a constant feeling of loving them, but also leaving them and having a feeling of not belonging, which can be isolating, this breaks my heart sometimes. But it also excites me because I know that my soul family is out there waiting for me and the adventure that is my life is just beginning. The beginning is the hardest place to be because the past is still so close to you, but you have to choose to keep moving forward and continue to make it a practice to say goodbye to what you know is no longer serving your growth and the life you desire for yourself.

I feel that the only way I could know how to be in this kind of healthy relationship with self and another (spiritual/heart based) was through the contrast of a dysfunctional relationship with self and family (physical/ego based). I know that my awakening has taken a toll on my family, they don’t always understand and they worry, I know because I can feel it through their energy. But I also believe that sharing my story is part of my purpose and I know that they will be blessed for their participation. I also know that I have soul contracts with them and on a soul level they always knew this would happen, as did I. That doesn't mean that all involved are aware of it, it just means that they knew they would also learn from me, whether they wanted to or not. I didn’t openly share my story to hurt or betray them, I simply did it to liberate myself. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone or trigger anyone, all I did was take the steps I was guided to take, which I didn’t even understand at the time. Every action I’ve taken has been from a space of healing, that doesn’t mean that sometimes I didn’t react from fear or pain, because I did, but I also know that all that I did was for my growth, so I don’t beat myself up.

I had to learn how to set boundaries first verbally, then emotionally, then physically and most importantly, energetically. Distance doesn’t mean anything, I can feel people's energies through time and space, it’s one of my super powers, especially if they are thinking of me or have extremely strong feelings. This was a huge part of my spiritual and personal growth, how to trust my feelings over all else and to set boundaries and keep them in place even when the person was triggered by it. I lost friends, received comments from family. This broke my heart in the process, it was a challenge for me, as someone who is a “people pleaser” and who has been taught to over give and neglect myself to make sure others are happy and comfortable. It felt as if I was always doing something wrong and going against everything I knew and had been taught about what “family” meant. Now my boundaries are so strong that I have little to no trouble at all implementing them and that is such a gratifying feeling to my soul, that I am capable of finding inner peace no matter where I am or who I am in the presence of.

Becoming aware of my own energy has saved my life, being able to discern what is my baggage to carry and what is someone else's has helped relieve so much stress from my life. One of the hardest things to stop doing is feeling responsible for others emotional state. I no longer take on what is not mine to feel. That was the hardest lesson to learn in the last two years. I would go to a family gathering or go to hang out with a friend and I would feel on top of the world, listening to music on the way, feeling centered and grounded and then as soon as I would enter their energy I would feel myself being pulled down to their level energetically and at first this was extremely hard to discern and so I could quickly be taken over by their anxiety, their depression, their insecurity and I would lose myself. I would go home afterwards and feel drained, exhausted and confused. I started practicing energy healing techniques and spending as much time alone as possible so that I could strengthen my senses and learn how to protect my energy before and during encounters with certain people. My energetic boundaries have become so strong now that I can be in the presence of others who are feeling this way and still stay in alignment. It is definitely not easy and I am not a pro, but it’s awesome to see and mostly feel my progress. I’ve never felt more protected than I do right now.

Yes, I am not where I want to be physically, but I also know that where I am is right where I am meant to be, quite frequently I want to think that I know best and I want to resist and fight against what I know deep down. I am getting better at recognizing that this is only my ego. It’s nice to see myself making great shifts internally, but it is challenging for me to see “nothing” in the physical as “proof” of the work I am doing. But then part of me feels that’s what it’s been like this entire journey and it’s not until I ‘ve made it through the growth and look back that I see why I needed what spirit has given me and not what my ego wanted. It’s then I am grateful for what I thought I wanted, but didn’t receive. Spirit always knows best and that is so hard for the mind to grasp, because we want to be in control of everything and if we’re not we lose our sense of security which makes us cling. But can you stand your ground, yet still be open to new ways of doing things? Can you have a strong sense of self and still be receptive to others? Can you be uncomfortable in the midst of growth and still be compassionate to yourself and others?

It’s the times in which we’re feeling most challenged that we forget to be our best selves. We get too caught up in our minds and expect others to know that we need space, that we need time to be with ourselves to move through the current experience with as much ease and compassion as possible. We don’t have to make things harder on ourselves, but you do have to have the courage to stand up for yourself and to protect yourself from the things that harm you. It takes honesty and integrity to take action in creating the life you desire for yourself. Sometimes the action step is simply speaking up. I found through my awakening that using my voice to set boundaries was the most intimidating thing to do, my voice would shake and I would be nervous of the reaction once I set the boundary and spoke my truth. But the more I continued to do it the more empowered I became and the more I opened up space in my life to create the things I desire. I became more confident in who I am and truly began to feel better, especially mentally as I was no longer stressing over others health, relationships, family drama, children, finances, work problems.

I don’t want to talk about problems and most people have an addiction to worry. I do too.. We tend to use our “free” time or our friends to complain about what we don’t have, our health problems or other people instead of using that time to take action on what we truly desire. I grew up in a home where worry was the “norm”. This still is one of the hardest habits I have to be aware of. We could be coming up with solutions to our health, marital, relationship, family problems and our finances and career problems if we used that “free” time for getting to know ourselves better and committing to something that betters our lives. When we talk about the things we value, they begin to multiply!

That’s the part we’re severely lacking in this day and age, commitment. I am not some expert, nor do I have it all figured out, commitment to myself is something that I struggle with daily, but it is also something that I practice at. Committing is a lifelong journey, it’s the commitment to ourselves that sets the tone for the kind of commitment we will see reflected back at us through all our relationships, not just romantic, but platonic, co-workers and family. When we can’t commit to ourselves how do we ever expect to commit to our dreams or to another? Boundaries are key when it comes to commitment to ourselves. Why drag others energy into our own, especially into our relationship. Most people are so unaware of their energy that they take on energy and emotions, even thoughts that are others and they end up projecting them onto self and onto their relationship. I see this playing out in relationships all around me, most people are taking on the collective energy as their own and so they begin to act out certain scenarios in which they need to heal, but they’re unaware of the healing taking place and so it presents itself to the person through “challenge”, but it’s only a challenge if you’re unaware. If you can look at your circumstances as a lesson that is happening for your highest good, then you bring yourself out of a “conflicting” energy and you feel as if a weight is being lifted, even though it is being lifted through contrast.

To embrace our light we have to be in the dark. If we didn’t have night time we wouldn’t appreciate daytime as much. Although I prefer the darkness, but I also love the sunshine, but I also admire both qualities within myself now and I know that I can’t have one without the other. There’s no more denying aspects within myself, only acceptance and appreciation. If I didn’t learn how to set healthy boundaries I never would have felt as safe and secure within myself as I do now. There are still days when I feel isolated, but I know that for me, it’s what I need right now. I will put myself and my needs before the needs of others because I cannot be my best self and live from a space of unconditional love if I am not providing myself with the same kind of love and care that others need from me. Boundaries are so important because without them we don’t have the time for ourselves, this time of being alone is not punishment from the Universe or God, but rather an opportunity to love and connect to the self more. It’s the greatest gift I’ve ever received and sometimes I forget to be grateful for it. When we can’t fill our own cup we then become empty and have no more to give and we seek this from outside ourselves and when we can’t give we feel unworthy of receiving love and a whole downward spiral of self defeating thoughts arise and we self destruct. Setting boundaries is hard, isolation can trigger abandonment wounds, but the lessons you learn in that space will forever transform your life and you will eventually thank Spirit for the opportunity even though it’s not what your ego wants.

A great way to practice setting boundaries with loved ones is doing it with children, not just your own, but all children in your life. My nephews have helped me with this! Children mirror the energy around them. They strictly rely on energy to guide them, as their ego has not been formed yet. If you’re anxious, this will reflect in the child, if you’re needy, this will reflect in the child, if you’re at peace, the child will sense it and it brings them a state of peace. Children are our mirrors and we teach them how to treat us by the behavior we allow from them. If you don’t like the behavior of the child, look at yourself, because they most likely learned it from you. If you don't teach children boundaries they will manipulate you and walk all over you. Children are much smarter then we’ve been taught through our patriarchal system that believes women and children are less than a man. Most people treat and talk to their child as if they were less than them. To see a healthy relationship reflected through your child, you must first have a healthy relationship with yourself, if you do not this will continue to be carried on though your children and the lack of relationship you have with yourself will create a disconnect in the future relationship with your child. If you have a hard time with self respect, your child will learn this behavior from you and they ironically treat you with the same disrespect that they learned from you. Having firm boundaries with your child is healthy and helps them create their own sense of self. When we are codependent on our children to make us feel loved we end up feeling abandoned time and time again and we end up putting the responsibility on our children to love us how we need to be loving ourselves. This greatly affects the psyche of a child, they will grow up trying to please you and never feel good enough because you’re basically sucking them dry and since we don’t teach our children boundaries, self love and self care techniques the child becomes self destructive only further ingraining the belief of unworthiness and it continues to be passed down from generation to generation.

If you want to enrich your life and increase your sense of value you need to add more love to it, that means giving your love to yourself, this probably includes setting boundaries and sticking to them, it probably involves you being alone when you’d rather distract yourself in the company of others who are “worse off” than you making you feel better about yourself and allowing yourself to put your problems on the back burner. You can do this, but the longer you avoid being with yourself the longer the healing process will take, that’s also why I manifested my tower moment two years ago, because I was avoiding being with myself and so the Universe pushed me into it, so I had no choice but to face it and it sucked. But when you willingly make the shift things align for you much more quickly and without such an abrupt or harsh conclusion. When you do what you know will add more value to your life you’re working with the force that is more powerful than you, instead of against it and you will reap a wonderful harvest! You may not become a millionaire, but you sure as heck will feel like one, and that’s the point, that is the lesson, because at the end of the day it’s the feeling behind the action that will lead to a beautiful and abundant physical manifestation.

“Use your past as a guide to keep you from what you don’t want and use your heart to guide you to a future you can’t even imagine. In doing this you access the blueprint of your destiny” ~ A Whisper from my Soul

Thank you for reading!

Much love,

Ashley <3