Sacred Sexual Serenity

My womb is my internal safe place. It’s a space I’ve created within myself as a way to retreat in times of distress, uncertainty and discomfort. Learning how to come back to my womb space after being caught up in my logical mind, which I once considered my “safe place” was a challenge. As women it is most natural for us to reside primarily in our womb space, as it is the gateway to Heaven, to Source, but in this society we’ve been conditioned to rely strictly on our minds and to disregard our emotions, our GPS, our intuition. Residing in our womb space actually helps us to see through the darkness of our own mind and the world. It is our anchor to The Divine, to our light. When our sexual energy has been tainted it can become dark and fearful and it can be unappealing to be in that space within ourselves and it can also be unattractive to the partner we are actually desiring and seeking. Sex and rape culture have also left many wombs abused or taken advantage of. This creates an energetic blockage in our metaphorical womb, it creates a wound that no longer allows us to feel safe in our womb space.

If we think back, the womb was our first Home here on earth, it is the portal between the spiritual realms and the earthly realm. It is dark, warm and exactly what we need in order to grow. Same goes for after birth. It is the space we go to within when we need to rest, rejuvenate and be "reborn". And this applies to both men and women. A man’s internal womb space will come from the relationship he has with his mother, how he feels in her presence and it's how he will perceive his own internal feminine energy. If he has an unhealthy or unstable relationship with his mother this can cause him to not feel safe with a female, it can cause him to be distant and detached, full of self doubt and low self esteem. Both men and women can create this internal sanctuary by committing to developing a healthy relationship with their own masculine and feminine energies and their sacred sexuality.

Our sexuality is not only about physical penetration with another, it is the relationship we have with our own sexual energy, our own Creative Life Force Energy. Most of us never get the chance to explore this side of us because in our society it has been shamed and undervalued. Sexuality is what makes us most human, but it’s also what makes us most Divine. How we choose to use and apply it into our daily lives determines if we have a more physical relationship with our sexuality or a spiritual one. Or a healthy balance of both. By cultivating a more spiritual sexual relationship with our own energy we will be able to have a healthier, more meaningful human sexual experience.

In order for a woman to fully open and surrender to a man during sex he must create a safe and stable energy within himself and with his own sexual energy, otherwise this will repel a woman's womb and even if she can be there with the man physically she may struggle to be their mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

In order for a man to truly express his full sexual nature a woman must be able to feel safe and secure within her own sexuality, her body, emotions and mind. When we only show up for sex with our gentiles and not our heart we will generally attract partners that only want to take advantage of us. In order to be deeply intimate and passionate with a man we have to learn how to be deeply intimate and passionate with ourselves. For them to become the lovers we’ve always imagined they would be, we have to create them, we have to become them, we have to guide them, we have to fully receive, acknowledge and embody our own sexuality.

If we deeply fear our own sexuality we might do two different things; either we abuse that part of us, by sleeping around or we isolate ourselves so that we never have to go back there. Either way is not healthy and causes a disconnect from our Life Force Energy. When we are disconnected from this part of ourselves we tend to feel fragmented, separated and not enough. When we disconnect from this part of us, we are disconnecting from our faith, from our eternal nature and it causes us to feel unsafe in our bodies, emotions and energy.

When we don’t feel safe in our surroundings it stems from a sense of feeling unsafe internally. People who struggle with their sexuality tend to have addictions, anxiety and other forms of mental illness. What happens when we struggle to be in our womb space is; we tend to reside in the mind and use that as our compass. Our mind was designed to keep us “safe”, but it really just keeps us replaying the past as a way to protect us from a time we once felt vulnerable and may have been hurt.

When we have wounds, guilt or shame that we associate with our sexual energy, we try to hide or mask the part of us that animates our physical body, our Spirit. This causes us to create a false identity, one that we believe others will really like, we become habitual people pleasers and we abandon parts of ourselves in order to be seen and perceived in a certain way. We will do almost anything to avoid being “found out”. The shame most people feel around their sexuality was created by religious constructs to keep us from utilizing our post powerful resource as the human species. It is with our sexual energy that we become the powerful co-creators of our reality. But if we are denying this very vital force of our human nature then we can easily fall victim to life and our outside circumstances. If we are victims then we feel helpless and when we feel helpless we become desperate and we begin to take desperate action which goes against our very nature, which is surrender.

When we struggle to surrender it stems from deeply rooted control issues. Generally we believe if we are controlling our desires, controlling our needs, controlling our partners, controlling perceptions, controlling our sexuality that we have the upper hand, it gives us a false sense of control that actually only keeps us bound to the same programming that created the disconnect in the first place.

Most men have been taught to control with their sexual energy, so they tend to abuse this sacred part of them when their life is feeling out of their control, each thrust, each ejaculation gives him a false sense of control that gratifies his ego, but then later that same feeling of powerlessness comes in and the need to control becomes his guide. For women they tend to control with their sexual energy as a way to “trap” men, as a way to receive love. A lot of women have been conditioned to sleep with a man first so that we give him what he wants and hopefully this will make him stay, this also stems from a deeply rooted abandonment wound, they fear being alone and will continue to give their power away to avoid being on their own, because the feelings of abandonment and neglect are so strong they begin to believe and talk themselves into the lie that they will be alone forever and so settling becomes more comfortable and feels ‘safer” than being empowered and alone.

Generally both men and women need to be able to spend a substantial amount of time on their own as a way to develop self reliance and a strong sense of self. One thing that occurs during deep, passionate love making is that we can feel a sense of losing oneself. This can trigger a commitment wound that makes us feel we might be swallowed whole by another and completely lose our independence. If we value your independence this can cause us to push intimate connections away as a way of avoiding intimacy out of fear getting too close. This can also cause a fear of loss, that if we connect this deeply, if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable we could end up losing what we deeply desire and we tend to deny our feelings, or run from them as a way of protecting ourselves from the feeling of grief and loss that could come with a deep and intimate love connection.

It creates a lot of discomfort for men to fully surrender during a sexual experience, they must be able to drop into their heart space to fully receive the love, intimacy and passion they desire from women. They must develop a strong connection with their own emotions, intuition and body. When men feel disconnected from their sexuality they feel a loss of control, which can make them angry, bitter, closed off and violent. When we strip boys of their sacred sexuality it produces volatile men, and self destructing men, it produces men that feel trapped, unworthy and undervalued.

If all men were taught to relate to their sexuality in a healthy, spiritual way before they were taught to penetrate, we would see a whole new breed of men and boys. A males sexuality is his connection to Source, it is what creates a confident and righteous man, a man that follows his heart, that tames his earthly desires by placing his value not on his penis, but on his connection to his Life force Energy, God, a Higher Power. When a man leads with his sexuality it comes from purity, not from dominance. When a man begins to direct his life with his sexual energy instead of being possessed by it, he creates powerful change, in his internal world, which begins to reflect in his external world. This is how a man learns to trust again, by following his desires despite his fears.

In order for both sexes to feel sexually free we must get back to our innocence, back to our purity. This is where the shadow work comes in, because most of our sexual wounds come from childhood. This doesn't just mean molestation or sexual abuse, it’s also looking at your parental belief systems around sexuality. You could have grown up in a deeply religious home that shamed sex, or you could have experienced a family dynamic that didn’t ever speak about sex, it was something that was shamed and so you explored self pleasure and were scolded or shamed by your parents for discovering yourself, you also could have come from a patriarchal home that shamed or abused the female body. No matter the upbringing this still causes energetic blocks that keep us from fully accessing our sexual and creative potential and that can keep us feeling “stuck”.

Every time we explore our sexuality more deeply we meet a new part of ourselves, we liberate a part of us that has felt “trapped”. Sex was intended to create growth, to create expansion between two souls. We have been taught to take a very physical approach to sexuality, but it’s more about the internal relationship you have with your sexuality and Source.

For me personally I’ve had to create a new inner dialogue with my sexuality. My sexuality has always intimidated me, something I always felt mystified by, but I also carried so much shame around this aspect of myself that I denied “her”, I repressed her and as a result I became addicted to food and worry as a way to keep this aspect of me buried. I thought that if I expressed that part of me that I would get in trouble, that I would be abandoned, that I wouldn’t be good enough. I had societal beliefs screaming in my head, all the movies, tv shows, news stories, all the propaganda telling me that because I was revealing more of myself, not just more of my body, but more of my heart, mind and soul that I would somehow be punished, hurt, betrayed, that being vulnerable was a “sin”.

Most men and women have this belief that vulnerability makes them weak. That if they show any sort of empathy they are susceptible to criticism. That is true, one of my biggest fears since awakening spiritually and sexually is; “what are others going to think of me?” And let me tell you, if I would have listened to that voice, I wouldn’t even be here today writing about this.

Summer of 2018 I had lost about 180 pounds from my heaviest and I found myself being drawn to wear tighter clothes, I felt so good in my body and was so proud of how far that I had come. I wore a jean skirt, and at that time, this item of clothing was revealing for me, and the voices of fear were so loud, I remember looking out the window before I left and hearing so many loud judgments. I was imagining what my dad may think or say to me or what others out and about might think of me. For me this has been one of this biggest lessons of all; every time I believed someone else was judging me, I had to recognize that it was a judgement I had formed about myself long ago, based in my upbringing and society. I’ve had to get to the point where I no longer judge myself for wanting to express myself more openly and authentically. When I allowed myself to be seen that day, in my “revealing skirt” I was surprised to find that the reactions from others were not as harsh as I had been on myself, in fact my father even mentioned how nice I looked, and to me, that was the greatest gift, to be complimented in a time of vulnerability, in a time of stepping out of my comfort zone and out of the constraints in my mind. So, being true to who you are can be daunting, but it is also surprising and delightful, and most of all it is freeing.

I had to learn and become aware that others perception of me are only judgments of themselves. The fear of criticism is one of the hardest to overcome, especially when you are an empath and you truly do care. I care about others, I care about their opinions, but I'll never let them paralyze me, not anymore, because when you’re acting in accordance to your sexual energy, when you have a healthy relationship with your creativity and the Creator of your soul you are living with integrity. When you're in alignment with Source you are living your purpose.

I believe that living each moment as your best self is your purpose. It’s not something that you necessarily have to go in search of. It’s something you become when you start living for yourself instead of for how others will see you. When we live for others we give our power away. It’s like depositing your money into another bank account every time you choose to hide, deny or repress yourself in order to be liked, recognized, idolized, admired by others. Once you begin to start depositing your time and energy into being the best possible version of yourself in each moment you no longer feel the pressure or the desire to be adorned or worshiped by others, because you are doing it for yourself, you are feeling seen, heard and validated by the one person you’ve actually longed to be acknowledged accepted by, yourself.

It’s then that the judgement, criticism and shame all begin to be integrated and what once made you feel unworthy, abandoned, fearful, anxious and uncomfortable now makes you faithful, at peace, and empowered. You no longer have anything to hide from others, because you’re no longer hiding from yourself.

Thank you for reading!

Love & blessings, Ashley <3