It's Okay to Feel Indifferent on Mother's Day

Hello and welcome my darlings!

I have a special post for you this week as it is Mother’s Day tomorrow! I want to bring awareness to the Mother Wound and how it can greatly affect us on this day, even if we’re unconscious to it. I am going to get a little personal on my feelings surrounding this day because If you’re like me you may have a very unhealthy, toxic and or turbulent relationship with your mother. If you do, you’re certainly not alone and I want you to know that it is okay to feel indifferent about Mother’s Day.

Over the last few years of doing the work to heal my feminine energy (mother wound) I have learned how to make peace with this day, how to honor my feelings, my past and the love I do have for my mother. Finding the capacity within my own energy to hold all these different emotions that arise to the surface on this day for me. Some of those feelings include anger, frustration, sadness, resentment, bitterness. Don’t get me wrong, I also feel appreciation, love, gratitude, sweetness and respect.

I want you to know that it is okay to have hurt feelings toward your mother, and still hold space to love her, in fact it is healthy to honor all your feelings and experiences. For me personally I have learned a lesson in recognizing that “hurt people, hurt people”, my Mother actually helped me learn this very valuable spiritual lesson that helped me to heal my emotional body, my relationship to my emotions and to reunite me with my intuition and spiritual gifts. That’s what the healthy feminine energy does for us. It helps us build our sense of Self, so that we feel strong and like we have purpose and we belong.

I experienced both emotional and psychological abuse, I want to add in here (my mother is a great person and I love her deeply) what is hard for my Mother is to Love herself deeply, she struggles to fill her own cup and provide emotional and mental support for herself, so she was unable to provide this for me. As a woman who's done some healing I now see that my mother’s feelings were hurting and that is why sometimes she unintentionally hurt mine.

Was that okay? No. Did I deserve it? Definitely not! But as a “neutralist” I download the data and use it to expand my consciousness, not to stay stuck and bitter. As a child it was really hard to not take it personally and it caused a lot of anger and resentment towards my mother. I couldn’t see then, that she was a hurting woman just doing her best, with the tools she had. I couldn't separate her soul form from the “role” she was playing in my life, as my mother.

In this lifetime I came with very high expectations of what it means to be a mother, I had “special” needs that needed to be met and they weren’t, that doesn’t mean we hold on to blame and hold resentments towards our caregivers for not meeting our needs, we see them as great teachers of the soul. They help you to do it on your own through the contrast (duality) of this dimension by neglecting you. On a soul level there is a contract in place that allows for us to heal these ancestral beliefs, wounds and patterns so that we can be better, mothers, wives, sisters, daughters and humans.

When we see that our mother wound is a gift that helps us to heal our lineage and not pass our unhealthy relationship blueprints down for the generations to come we heal ourselves, not out of force or obligation, but out of sheer willingness to do better, to be better. As women who have a dysfunctional relationship with our mothers, we have to tend to that aspect of us, that inner child that just needed to be seen, validated, appreciated and loved by someone who was unable to give it to themselves.

You no longer have to continue to pour all your energy into someone who is incapable of giving it back to you and you have to accept it. Acceptance is the hardest part, because it would have been so much “easier” to have been built up and validated by the people you love most (our parents) to feel that sense of security within yourself because you love, believe in and trust yourself. If we aren’t taught this by our mothers. We will unconsciously inherit their behavior, self image and beliefs. If we never take the time to investigate our own worth, learn how to validate and see ourselves we will struggle to relate to the world and we will struggle in intimate relationships, we will struggle to connect.

Please follow @the.holistic.psychologist on IG

Connection is what is missing from your life and it can make you feel very isolated and cut off, but here is the gift in it ladies, you get to learn how to reunite with your emotional body, with your intuition, with your heart. This is when you heal this inner voice that tells you “you’re going to be alone forever”. Because that inner voice was created when you first began to feel your mother disconnect from you emotionally. If our mother’s struggled to validate and support us emotionally and mentally we will feel a sense of disconnection that ultimately makes us feel like we’re not good enough. This lack of emotional and psychological connection to our Mothers in childhood can cause deep seeded fears of intimacy in adult relationships.

We fear unconsciously that we are going to lose our mother's love if we don’t behave in a way that pleases her and that she validates. A lot of us do this in our adult intimate relationships to desperately keep our partners "love", but what we're doing is reinacting a childhood wound that keeps us seeking love, validation and acceptance outside of ourselves, we become emotionally dependent and we abandon ourselves, we give our power away. And so, if our mother liked when we behave in a certain way, if we get rewarded and praised with her love, we will continue to do it, even if we don’t totally resonate with it, even it goes against what we want or even more importantly what we, NEED, we will abandon and neglect ourselves time and time again just to feel the reconnection to our mothers love and our partners love, later on in life.

For me; my mother was rarely loving, nurturing, gentle and compassionate. She was distant, cold and scattered and being in her energy made me feel unstable. This caused me to be hypervigilant at a very young age. I am highly sensitive so I began to predict not only her, but also my father's behavior and I would observe them so closely, always keeping a close eye on them because I never knew when their mood would shift and I needed to be prepared, I needed to protect myself. I honor that part of me, the part of me that is watching for cues, analyzing, predicting, protecting; it is a coping mechanism that kept me safe, it kept me alive, so I have learned to validate that part of me so that I can be at peace in the present moment, not constantly searching for what is going to go “wrong”. Hypervigilence can impact our adult relationships, it can look like not trusting, being "clingy" and controlling. This is becuase it is how we learned how to behave in our very first relationship, the one with our parents.

Filling our cups with Adriene this morning! <3

The one thing I always yearned for as a child from my mother was presence. I just wanted her to sit still and be with me. She was always distracting herself, never sitting still long enough to sit with the discomfort of her emotions. Our children are a reflection of our own inner child, when we struggle to connect to our children it is because we struggle to relate with our emotions, our intuition and heart. When we disconnect from our hearts we disconnect from our inner feminine energy. The energy that nurtures, loves, comforts us, holds us, consoles us, accepts us and sees us, it lives within us. It is deep within the stillness. In the stillness we hear all the answers, in the stillness is where we connect more profoundly. Because when we connect to our inner stillness we can be that stillness for our children.

Ever since I was a baby I have thrived in the stillness. Being still is one of my favorite pastimes, honestly, I love just being with myself, admiring the present moment, connecting to the wisdom of my inner world, listening to the beauty that I hear with my clairaudience, to the beauty I see with my clairvoyance, to the beauty I create with my imagination and claircognizance. I never had the opportunity to share the gift of my stillness with my parents, not until more recently, my father was more pushed into it when we was diagnosed with cancer, making him slow down to a whole new level and with my mother, I’ve been given the chance to see our relationship from a new perspective, from fresh eyes.

Four years ago on Mother's Day <3

I have lived with my mother in the past, although our relationship was a lot different then, we got along fairly well, but our behavior was very co-dependent. We had learned how to become dependent on each other emotionally and it caused a lot of “heaviness” in our relationship. I always felt unloved by her and she always felt the same by me, yet both of us, or at least I was pouring myself into this relationship and completely depleting myself. This time has been different because I had cultivated Self Love and Self Care, I had learned how to put myself first so that I could show up more open, understanding and grounded in my Self in my relationships, especially with my family members. My Mother was not well respected and as a result I learned how to disrespect myself. I had to learn how to validate, love and accept myself wholly before being able to forgive my parents, to forgive my Mom.

I have been living with my Mom for almost 8 months, it’s not ideal, it’s not where’d I like to be at all, but I am, and I must accept that and choose to see that I am being given the chance to learn about myself, my inner mother and my Mom through a different lens.

Our relationship has evolved and changed over the years. As I began to awaken I had to learn to start placing boundaries, as a highly sensitive person who was awakening to my spiritual gifts, I had to shield and protect myself physically and energetically. When I began implementing boundaries my mother did not “like” this, it was her ego of course that was upset and she would be unkind and manipulative. I have experienced gaslighting from her since I was a young child. My reality was constantly denied, as a result this created an aspect within me that likes to constantly gaslight me, so I have to laugh at that part of me, I have to make peace with it, I no longer let it control me. Healing my mother wound took a lot of psychological work, I had to retrain my mind to tell a different story. Because my mother's inner dialogue became my own and I wanted to leave a new legacy behind, I wanted to be kinder, loving and more compassionate to myself and as a result I’ve been able to extend that same love and care to my family members, especially my Mother.

Our habits are a lot different this time around, our relationship is a lot different this time around. We eat healthier, we do Yoga With Adriene (link to the left), we go for walks, we do Tarot readings, we watch movies, we paint our nails, we take pictures, we listen to music and we hug. She lets me tell her about my angles, guides and past lifetimes. She helps me take pictures for my blog posts. She provides me with food and shelter and now more than ever, she trusts me and I trust her. My Mother Wound has helped me heal my fear of betrayal, it taught me how to trust and value myself again. Now we are able to tell each other that we’re doing a good job. I am showing her how to care for herself, how to love and nurture herself like she never received.

Sometimes it is challenging because I wanted to receive that care from her, but at the same time I empathize with her because I understand that she too wanted and needed that same care from her caregivers and never received it. This is where we begin to perceive our Mother Wound as the greatest gift to ever receive, because it taught us how to love ourselves, how to give ourselves the own nurturing, love, support and guidance that we need. It gave us the gift of reuniting with our hearts again.

This whole time we’ve been focusing and reprimanding absentee fathers for the problems of today’s youth, but if you ask me, it’s more about the absentee mothers, the emotionally distant mothers, that are so completely cut off from their heart space that they pass that down to their children. A lot of mother’s today are completely immersed into their “role’ as a mother that they don’t take time to nurture and connect with their soul. How do we as mothers expect to nurture our children's souls, if we can’t provide it for our self first? Most mothers today are active in their children's life, but they aren't present. They are disconnected from their hearts and they are purely relating from the mind. The mind can only relate from the past, from wounding. The heart relates from eternity. Our mothers are here to c o n n e c t us to our hearts, to teach us how to have a relationship with our hearts, how to have a relationship with our emotions and inner child and how to have relationship with our intuition, which is really an eternal connection to our Spirit and to God.

One of my favs to follow on IG: @cassandra_solano

If this day is challenging for you, if it brings up all your uncomfortable feelings around your relationship with your mother, just honor them, just be with them, sit with them, tend to them with gentle loving care, be compassionate and understanding toward yourself. You’re not alone in your emotions. It is okay to be all the feelings at once, it is okay if you repress them or deny them, in fact you probably learned that from your mom, I know that I did, but please, don’t beat yourself up. Extend yourself the gift of grace and fill your cup. Love yourself so deeply, so intently that you use this time to repair your heart. That may mean letting it break, but in the process you learn to let go and you not only free yourself, but you’ll free your mother in return.

Remember beloved, as much as your mother is a gift to you, you are a gift to her, treat yourself as one and who knows, maybe you’ll end up teaching her how to love and care for herself, and if not, don’t worry, it was NEVER your responsibility to care for your mother mentally or emotionally. It will never be your responsibility to “heal” or “teach” her. It will only ever be your responsibility to care for yourself mentally and emotionally, it will only ever be your responsibility to heal and teach yourself. If she follows, that’s great, if she doesn’t that is okay too, we can simultaneously love our mother and let them go, contrary to the dysfunctional (enmeshed) family dynamic it is possible to do so. I had a deep attachment to my mom and healing the Mother Wound was exactly what I needed in order to free myself from this unhealthy attachment.

Forgiveness is possible, healing is possible. If it isn’t your path, then that is okay too. I hope that sharing my story can help to encourage you to heal your Mother Wound, to put in the uncomfortable work and dive deep into the psyche to discover the belief systems that have kept you stuck in unhealthy relationships, unhealthy mental patterns, unhealthy diets, unhealthy body image, unhealthy emotionally, unhealthy physically. Our Mother Wound can be like a treasure map that helps us to uncover our long lost gifts, talents, individuality and connection to Source, to God, the Universe, whatever resonates for you.

So, thank you moms for giving us the gift of Love, forgiveness & understanding, for helping us to see ourselves not through you, but through the eyes of God, because when we heal our Mother Wound we heal our hearts and when we heal our hearts, we heal our connection to All That Is.

I have linked a video I uploaded on my YouTube channel about how I rebuilt my self esteem after experiencing emotional and psychological abuse. If this message resonates for you, please; Like, Subscribe and Share!

Happy Mother's Day & thank you for reading!

Love & blessings, Ashley <3