How to Use Relationships as Mirrors to Heal the Inner Child & Reunite With Joy
- ashley emig
- May 2, 2020
- 7 min read
When you’re looking at your significant other or your children & you’re struggling to understand what you see, such as a behavior or emotional reaction, it’s really yourself that you’re struggling to see. They are only reflecting to you a part of you that you were unconsciously taught to disown. It’s a frequency mirror to reflect to you the way you feel about yourself.
We’re going to struggle to relate to our own children if we struggle to relate to our own inner child. Giving birth to a child is entering into a relationship, a sacred one. It was predetermined & destined as a soul contract.
Parents don’t just teach children. Children are an energetic agreement to uphold karmic lessons. Our children come to teach us.
A lot of the times we have children to fill a void. We are creating a child from ego, not from conscious awareness, so that child will be a karmic soul sent to help you learn lessons, to be a reflection of you, so that you can see your Self more clearly.
Generally our children, the souls of those children, are meant to help us grow, to elevate & heal. They come to reflect to us our innocence, our heart & purity. Our children are a gift to help us reunite with Joy.
Too often we only see the negative in our children. We only recognize their “bad” behavior & rarely praise them for their “good” behavior. We get triggered by their strong emotional reactions that they trigger our own “wounding”. They shed light on our darkness.
The truth is; most of us don’t want to face our darkness, we want to hide from it, so whatever we don’t want to see in ourselves we will deny, avoid & neglect in our children.
A lot of high vibrational souls are incarnating into families that carry a lot of darkness. It is their job/mission to shed light on things that have been hiding in the dark.
To live in harmony with our light & dark is a lot like the relationship between child & parent. Two very contrasting energies trying to coexist. We must not deny either reality.
The truth is; the darkness is just as much real as the lightness. All that matters is which one you choose to perceive. You get to choose if you will feed the light or feed the dark. Either one we can create from, but only one feels good in our bodies & the other feels uncomfortable, painful & heavy.
As you tend to the child aspect within you, you help to rebalance & recalibrate your energy field. You begin to LIGHTen your load, you feel more mentally neutral & at peace. When we deny part of our being we feel disconnected from our bodies & we want to spend time in the mind. The thing is; if your home was not safe growing up, physically, verbally, emotionally or mentally, your mind will not feel safe because the ego is only a subconscious recording of what was heard & seen in our homes. We must make our minds a safe place to reside by tending to our thoughts during our difficult emotions, listen for how we are speaking to ourselves & do our best to be supportive, rather than critical. This will begin to reflect how we hold space & speak to our children during their “big” emotions.
When our minds are not healthy we can create even more chaos in our bodies & environments until we get the “wake up call” that pushes (guides) us back to our bodies, back into that receptive state we once were in in childhood, reuniting us with our inner child.
If our inner child has been wounded we may not want to be there with it, because our inner child is also our emotional body, it’s the “water” body. We may need to cry a lot here to release pent up anger, sadness & stress. We will have to move through the discomfort & “foolishness” of crying & allow ourselves to let it out & let it go.
That’s what we do as children & as we allow ourselves to release with gentle compassion then the emotional reaction doesn’t last as long. It moves through us with less resistance because it’s being welcomed for recognition & healing instead of being punished & denied.
If our emotions were denied as a child we will struggle to welcome those same denied emotions in our children. We will continue to pass on the same “wounding” (emotional neglect) that we were exposed to as children.
Our children come to “trigger” us so that we can heal these “wounds” & free ourselves. When we cling & hoard emotions (repress) them, we store them in our cellular memory, they build up like a calcification in our emotional body.
When stuck in the body for too long with out being expelled, it begins to send signals to the energetic body, the energetic body is where we store aches & pains, soreness & heaviness. As we begin to tend to those signals, instead of masking them with medications, drugs, alcohol, sex, spending money, social media, over working, staying busy & over eating etc. we begin to reparent our inner child. As we tend to the body & its signals of distress we can address the deeper cause of the discomfort or pain.
When we explore the pain instead of ignoring it, we move through the discomfort much more quickly. The more we drag it on & don’t tend to it, the more overgrown it’s going to become. You have to check in with your emotional body & by tending to your energetic body you heal your emotional body. By taking the time to be quiet & sit with your body you “re-mother” yourself. & when you encourage & support yourself in this space of discomfort & emotional upheaval you “re-father” yourself.
Allow yourself to relax into the body, reminding it that it is safe, that you are here now & you can take care of it. Remind yourself that you are here for that inner child part of you.
As our inner child starts to feel seen, heard & supported, it begins to chill out & it doesn’t have as many “tantrums”/ego trips. It helps us become more trusting & open.
To discover more about the soul dwelling in our child, is our role as parents. It’s a question of; how can I learn & grow from you? How can I use you to find out more about who I am?
Our job is to understand ourselves more clearly through our children. To teach them how to relate in a healthy way. How to communicate their feelings, how to establish & honor boundaries. How to process & express their emotions. How to understand their mind. How to safely & authentically connect to their bodies. How to trust & respect themselves. How to nourish & comfort themselves. How to manage their energy. How to listen to their body & intuition. How to follow their hearts. How to stay true to themselves. How to live with integrity. How to assert themselves with loving kindness. How to be compassionate & empathetic. How to be strong willed & understanding. How to empower themselves.
If we are unable to do this for ourselves we will not be able to provide this for our children. They will unconsciously observe & mimic our habits. Our unhealthy habits will become theirs. We can either enslave their souls with our behavior or we can expand their souls with our behavior. We can use them to better ourselves, to liberate our souls, by seeing their soul & not just the reflection of ourselves in them.
Children are not ours, they are Gods, we are only here to watch over them & protect them so that they may express their SOULS freely. It’s not up to us to make them become like we are, but to see their truth, to see their wisdom, to see their light & accept it as our own.
When we envy our children’s light & innocence we can unconsciously manipulate them to drag them down into our heavy energy. But most often children that are born into this kind of energy & environment are coming to helps us raise our vibration. To teach us how to elevate ourselves, how to meet them where they are. These children come to us to help us change, but if we don’t want to grow from our relationships with them, we will stunt their growth as a Soul, making them feel trapped & powerless as we do.
This is when the parent begins to drain the child & energetically suck it dry. When the child does not know how to protect its energy from the “narcissistic” (energy vampire) parent it will constantly feel depleted & not “good enough” the child will give & give & it still won’t be “enough” for the parent because the parent is unconsciously using the child to generate higher vibrational feelings of love, connection & innocence.
The “wounded” (emotionally distant) parent can no longer generate its own higher vibrational feelings & so it seeks the children to fulfill this “void” that is really just a absence from their own inner child. As they reconnect with their own inner child again they begin to produce those feelings on their own & they no longer need to look to & drain the child of their own light & energy. When a parent is emotionally cold & withdrawn it is because they’ve shut down their feelings, so they don’t feel the pain & emotional distress from their own wounding also cutting off their ability to feel happiness & Joy.
Understanding that the parent that is emotionally unavailable is only disconnected from their emotions because they are too painful allows for you to see your emotionally abusive parent through the eyes of a child, through the eyes of God. This is how you can empathize, understand & forgive them for the abuse.
When we are emotionally abused by a parent it can be challenging to relate to ourselves, it can be challenging to find peace & solace because we’re constantly running from ourselves. What we have to learn to do is embrace ourselves. Embrace everything that we’ve experienced so that we can accept it & move on.
When we’re no longer holding onto resentments about how we were raised & the pain we may have experienced we free ourselves & then we can meet our children in a new paradigm, we can teach them what we learned from our experiences. We can leave a new blueprint behind, a new legacy of conscious relating.
I have linked a video I created for my bi-weekly Relationship Toolbox that will give you three ways to hug yourself & nurture you during times of need. Please Like, Subscribe & Share with anyone you feel may benefit from this message!
Thank you for reading!
Love & blessings, Ashley <3
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