Entry Eleven (The Abandonment Wound)

Saturday, February 16th, 2019

“When you share what you’ve learned you are being of service. Don’t be ashamed of your healing, use it to assist the world in healing.” ~ A Whisper from my Soul

When we feel lonely it’s because we’ve strayed from our heart space and the ego is activating memories of a time when we felt lonely. It shows us this so that we can heal the emotion of loneliness that keeps being triggered. Every time we have lost our center and moved into our head space (protection) we create anxiety and only further ingrain the belief of loneliness. When we can notice that when we’re feeling immense loneliness or depression that it’s because we’re living in the past, reliving our pain or trauma and constantly abandoning ourselves again and again in our mind and with our feelings we can begin to shift how we relate to the wound.

There’s emotional abandonment (I personally experienced this) and physical abandonment, both of these abandonment wounds create a fear of intimacy. We abandon emotionally by not allowing ourselves to feel the grief that comes with abandonment and repressing it. This begins to create disease and similar scenarios in which we are abandoned or rejected by another (reliving the past belief) so that we can feel the grief and heal it. Also this happens because a memory of being physically abandoned is triggered through a current experience and reminds us how we felt in that moment, but we didn’t allow ourselves to feel it then so it is showing up now to be healed and to become aware of the root cause of the abandonment wound that is causing the ego to believe we’re alone. When we become aware of the wound we can begin to work with it.

The truth is; we’re never truly alone when we live in our heart space (present, emotions, intuition). Because that part of us is the connection to the Divine, it’s a direct link to our soul, to our light, to our eternity. When we live in our head space and we have an abandonment wound this tends to be projected through relationships in which a person can be overly clingy or completely disassociated. I find through observation that the “clinginess” comes from a physical abandonment wound (main father and or mother figure) whether it be through death at a young age or divorce or a complete abandonment. This wound can be created in the womb, If either parent ever felt as if they didn’t want the child, that energy exists in the child's consciousness, this is deep in the subconscious. A sense of not being wanted that they carry with them without ever being aware of, creating a sense of rejection before even entering the world. This greatly affects adult intimate relationships

The clinginess generally pushes the connection away subconsciously, but at the same time seeks constant external validation of love and affection and when it is not received, lashes out from the core wound, blaming the partner for “not loving enough”. When the truth is the wound is triggering where we need to meet out own needs and connect more deeply with ourselves so that we’re not constantly seeking the love outside ourselves and acting out when we don’t receive the validation our ego is seeking.

The disassociated tends to reject the self before “it” has a chance to be rejected, never giving the relationship a chance, but at the same time feeling immense loneliness as a result of never allowing anyone close enough to truly see them. This creates an energetic barrier that has been formed from past memories of being rejected (emotionally). This generally happens in childhood. Most parents aren’t emotionally equipped and this harms our emotional health. These past memories begin to play on a loop in the mind, constantly creating the feeling over again until we’ve sabotaged ourselves and are alone once again. This tends to come with low self worth, feeling unworthy of unconditional love from self which tends to make the dissociated become codependent instead of interdependent. Sometimes it’s easier to be alone because we have felt lonely and distanced from ourselves (our emotions) for so long that it feels foreign to allow ourselves to be that intimate with them, let alone another. The only way to cope with this wound is to become more intimate with our emotions, heal our emotions and begin to dismantle the “wall” we’ve created to protect ourselves from being rejected. We have to begin to accept the emotions in us that we reject, that we were taught are unacceptable or undesirable.

There are two main fears of intimacy. The fear that when we get what we desire we will lose it so we end up sabotaging the relationship through manipulation, through control. We do this for our “safety” only allowing bits and pieces of who we are to be seen because we are rejecting aspects of ourselves. This bases the relationship off deception. The foundation is not fit to withstand the whole capacity of who we are because we weren’t who we are when the relationship began. Relationships have a hard time expanding when we don’t allow them the space to shift, change and grow. When in an intimate relationship and one partner reveals more of who they truly are it is important to embrace this person. If we reject them, we’re only rejecting aspects of self. This keeps the relationship stagnant because if we don’t allow ourselves to grow we are just reliving a past version of ourselves. We’re not in alignment with who we truly are so we attract situations to mirror where we are still rejecting aspects of ourselves and aren’t living authentically.

Another fear of intimacy is when we fear losing ourselves in the other. We care for them so deeply that we lose our sense of self to become who we think our partner wants us to be instead of being our unique individual self. Most people that have this fear of intimacy are counterdependent and they end up sabotaging the relationship before it has a chance to go anywhere because they fear losing their freedom, creating a pushback, a wall to keep the connection from deepening. This stunts the growth of the relationship because when we’re not willing to go deep enough with ourselves emotionally, we have difficulty meeting another in their deep emotions. This can cause you to feel loneliness even when in a relationship. This can make our partner feel unsafe with expressing all their emotions with us. When a person doesn’t feel safe in a relationship, it will not hold up because there's always a sense of being unstable, making us cling to external conditions to make us feel a sense of stability that needs to be generated through self, through peace of mind.

If we can’t be vulnerable and honest with how we’re feeling we don’t feel secure and we can’t accurately and effectively communicate our emotional needs in a relationship, this causes a lot of chaos because we have internal turmoil, we’re fighting against what we’re feeling (our emotions) and trying to mask it with false emotions that we believe others will accept. This creates a false foundation for the relationship, only showing certain emotions to please others, causing us to lose our sense of self and feel trapped by the relationship, blaming it instead of recognizing that it was brought into our life to teach us where we are abandoning ourselves by not accepting all of our emotions which means we’re not being true to our heart.

If we react from the abandonment wound, physical or emotional, it creates a similar scenario to the “original wound” because of the belief that was formed from the “trauma” or experience. In order to heal the wound we have to choose to react from a different space or feeling. When we recognize the abandonment wound being triggered emotionally (feeling lonely, depressed, sad and rejected) we can choose to dwell in those lower based energies and emotions or we can use them as a navigator or a guide to tell us where we need to give more love and attention to self. It’s an indicator that we’re not paying close enough attention to our emotions and we’re allowing the ego to have control.

Most of our mothers and female ancestors have been taught to only express certain emotions, this is a deeply embedded belief in the feminine consciousness. Most mothers abandoned themselves emotionally so they are unable to provide the emotional support the child needs. Ultimately the child's emotions that are “undesirable” trigger a memory from the parents childhood and how they were taught to cope in that moment to their very own “undesirable” emotion by their parent is how they will teach their child to cope with their emotion. This is how emotional abandonment gets carried from generation to generation. Our inner child represents our emotions. In childhood the mind is not developed enough to understand what and why we are feeling what we are feeling. Our inner child is irrational. If we act from this space, we react from hurt, generally hurting another, most likely our partner. We have to accept this part of us and understand it. When we can do that we can begin to recognize when we want to act out from our wounded inner child, but instead choose to sit with the emotion, allow ourselves to feel and express it, understand it and then act from a place of emotional balance and discernment.

This is emotional intelligence, emotional understanding can help us move through life with much more ease. When we are constantly resisting what we’re feeling, we create dis-ease in our bodies. When we’re depressed we’re living in the past, we’re dwelling on things we cannot change, leaving us with a sense of anger and resentment, we want to blame others (parents, partners, friends and the people that have hurt us most) only deeper entrenching our energy into victim consciousness which creates more scenarios in which we are the “victim”. The point is to teach us that we’re never truly a victim, it’s the beliefs we hold and the choices we make with our free will that determine our reality. There’s no one to blame because everything is always happening FOR us. That can be a hard pill to swallow for people that are deeply immersed in their suffering (definitely me).

The ego will resist this because it loses its control over the avatar. The soul (light) will slowly begin to meet the ego (darkness) with compassion until the ego feels safe enough to hand over the reigns. This allows the dark and light, the ego and soul to work together in harmony. There’s no longer a power struggle because we can’t have one without the other and there’s no blame, only complete admiration and gratitude for one another. Creating a sense of unity. It’s the contrasting and contradicting elements and qualities that create perfect balance on Earth. When these energies are imbalanced this creates disharmony which creates disease as a physical manifestation of the imbalance. When there’s enough chaos or disharmony within each individual consciousness this creates an imbalance in collective consciousness. When we’re not grounded in our own frequency and we don’t have strong energetic boundaries and practices we can become diluted with the collective consciousness, it’s then we most likely become caught in the web of victim consciousness because collectively that’s what we’re healing.

A majority of the human population is blaming life instead of using it as a tool to grow spiritually and seeing it as a blessing to simply be alive. The more we hold the belief of blame the more we live in a state of rigidity, never allowing our heart to open out of fear of the past (pain, trauma, heartbreak) this begins to turn into narcissism because we become cold, straying from our emotions (heart, divine connection) never allowing ourselves to be in our emotions because the pain is deep. But the only way we experience deep love is through deep pain. It’s the contrast. So the more pain we’ve experienced in our life the deeper we can love. It’s powerful. And honestly that’s what the world needs. So we can choose to look at our pain through the lens of the mind (past), creating loneliness and depression or we can see through the lens of the heart (inner child/emotions) innocence (unconditional love), creating joy.

Without the past pain we wouldn’t have the present (self) love. It’s what the pain teaches us, which in most cases is compassion, that we should focus on. To see all experiences as an act of love will bring us out of our suffering. Love is always present. When we believe that love is eternal and ever present, that it is never in scarcity, that there’s an abundance of love, especially when it is self generated, we are no longer bound by the wounds of loneliness and abandonment, or by the constraints of time and space, we are liberated yet still connected deeply to ourselves and others, creating the perfect balance of duality and unity. Literally creating Heaven on Earth. When we hold a deep sense of love within ourselves we are bringing heaven to Earth through our vibration, raising our individual consciousness and elevating the consciousness of the collective.

Always stay true to your heart! <3

Thank you for reading!

Much Love,

Ashley