Coming Out of the Spiritual Closet

Coming out of the “spiritual closet” was one of the most challenging things I ever had to do. I was a 26 year old woman who grew up in a small town in the midwest, I had no religious background & no knowledge about spiritual concepts or practices. My family was somewhat supportive, but also baffled when I began to meditate and gave up eating meat, they even believed it was just a phase, considering I had eaten meat my entire life and now had no interest. It was hard for them to grasp and I received backlash and condescending remarks, but I didn’t let it stop me because what I came to realize is; I never liked meat, and as a child my ego was convinced otherwise so I grew up believing something someone else had made me believe and not what was true from my heart.

This spiritual path was a calling from my heart. A feeling that deified explanation. It was also unfamiliar, but I decided to take a leap of faith and trust that this was the path for me, that I was being called in the right direction, but the fear that accompanied this decision was debilitating. “What are people going to say?” I hid it until I felt ready to be more open, and honestly the fear of rejection alone could have kept me from following the call in my heart, but with courage I moved forward. Slowly at first, then the more I began to exercise my truth the more comfortable I became and the more confidence and self esteem I developed.

No one can take our truth away from us unless we give them the power to. If we believe powerfully in our path we won’t have to defend or explain ourselves. Our life will become all the “proof” we need. Our actions are what determines our life. We can choose to make decisions based off “lies” or others projections of who they think we are or should or even could be or we can choose to bravely pursue the desires in our heart.

Back to the fear of rejection… Yes, we may lose family members, we may lose friends, but as we become who we’re meant to be we find the people that are meant for us. It’s okay to let people go that don’t have any interest in understanding our truth. We can try to convince or force others to believe us or see us for who we truly are or we can continue to live our lives without them and they can watch us from afar. It doesn’t mean that we stop loving or caring for the people that were once a very important part of our lives, we send them love and we respect their choice not to accept us. This doesn’t always mean we lose people forever, it simply means that we create boundaries to allow ourselves the space to grow while simultaneously accepting the fact that some people will never understand or are not meant to understand our path. Letting go of the need to appease others will set us free.

Coming out of the “spiritual closet” taught me a lot about what it might be like to come out as gay. Some parents may feel devastated, as if the child they thought they knew is “gone”. I imagine that might be what it feels like for a person who grew up religious, but feels called to pursue a more “unconventional” spiritual path. All that you’ve grown up to believe and what others believe is being challenged and that is uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean that you allow their projections to define you and it doesn’t mean that you are wrong and they are right or vice versa, it means; there’s more than “one right way”. The rejection we could face and the fear and the shame that accompanies such a decision to be unapologetically ourselves and not give a care what others think of us is courageous! When we pretend to be something we’re not we give our power away. Living with a sense of powerlessness can make us cling and want to control every aspect of our life so that it is congruent with the facade we’ve created to hide who we truly are.

I, myself have no interest in being something that I am not, or pretending to be someone or do things that aren’t in alignment with who I am and what I believe, regardless of if it makes anyone else uncomfortable or not. I came to live a life of honesty and integrity and my actions and my behaviors will continue to reflect that because I don’t know any other way to live anymore. I once wore a mask, I hid who I was to make others like me and understand me and I was never unhealthier or miserable than I was when I was living a lie. When we trade in our inauthenticity for integrity our whole lives begin to shift to align with who we’re always meant to be.