Becoming Home

I have used shaming and hating my body to self sabotage love and my dreams. It’s the perfectionism and the societal comparison of my self image and value that tells me a man wouldn’t want or value my body because it’s not “perfect” or a standard desired body, so I would tell myself; “I’m not ready”, those three words have killed many dreams for most people. It feels as though I am breaking free from society, from my own limiting beliefs of love and success. I am freeing myself from what I’ve been made to believe I am and it’s as if I’m looking into a mirror and saying; “Oh there you are, this is me, this is who I’ve always been, it is so nice to see you again, I’m so excited to see you, welcome back!” I am coming back home to myself and I feel completely welcomed with unconditional love and acceptance.“They” (my angelic guides and my galactic family) forgive me for getting so far “off track” from my mission. They’re helping me get back “on track” They’ve always been here trying to help me all along. They’re so excited that I am finally accepting them, they’re like; YES she’s back, we need her to complete our mission! The peace and love I am beginning to feel from within in is keeping me comfort in times of uncertainty. This is what it feels like to be home, I feel safe here.

I’m feeling vulnerable right now as I work towards being more transparent, I feel naked and this triggers my “fear” of being naked in front of a man which then leads to self sabotage. I’ve never been naked in front of a man before and honestly it is a tad intimidating, I feel so great in my body, like I’ve never felt before, but I am noticing as the opportunity to share my body draws near the illusion I created to self sabotage love and success sneaks up on me. I am working through it by taking my self love and self talk to a whole new level. I am recognizing the self sabotage so clear now, I get excited when I catch myself doing it because I am easily able to redirect my thoughts to match how I truly feel in my skin.

Sexy is how I feel in my body now. I’ve lost 170 pounds in the last 3 ½ years, I’ve put in the work and committed to myself and my health and the results are astounding. I’ve never felt so proud of myself for accomplishing a goal I’ve only ever dreamed of. I used to imagine what my life would be like if I was skinny. Would guys like me? Would I have confidence? Would I worry less? My truth is; some moments the doubt creeps in and I notice myself comparing to other women's bodies and when I do that my self esteem dwindles and I begin to worry that I am not enough… yet.

Loving and committing to ourselves unconditionally is a daily commitment, having confidence takes practice. I thought that as soon as I had an “ideal body” that the self esteem would just magically appear. But it was something I had to commit to, it was something that I had to incorporate daily. The more I practice the more it eases out of me, the more effortless it becomes. To have confidence we have to be able to trust ourselves, to trust our inner knowing and believe in ourselves without a doubt. That doesn’t mean we won’t have moments where we want to break down or talk shit to ourselves, but just as we redirect a baby we must redirect our thoughts. Our thoughts have to align with our feelings. When our thoughts or our ego is at war with our feelings we are resisting the truth. To shift the thoughts we have to get honest with ourselves, this creates clarity, which leads to confidence. Only once we begin to align our thoughts and hold our focus with how we are feeling will we become a magnet for miracles.

We have to believe that we are a miracle to attract miracles into our lives and that’s the part of law of attraction or aligning our thoughts with our feelings that trips people up, they don't believe in themselves enough to believe in the miraculous. Most of us self sabotage because we don’t feel worthy enough to receive such a blessing. When we trust ourselves and we take action from it, we are reiterating to God, to the Universe that we trust and believe in our divinity. When we know our divinity we know that we are limitless and we can have what we desire by believing in ourselves and by practicing trust, confidence, patience and faith. When we practice these virtues we begin to take action from integrity and authenticity which ultimately aligns us with our highest good. It’s when we are aligned with our divinity that miracles can occur. By treating ourselves as a miracle, by taking pride in who we are and appreciating where we are and what we have, we become much more open to receiving them through our vibrational alignment. What would your miracle feel like? Feel it and live in accordance with it. Anything keeping you feeling out of alignment is something that must be discarded, detached from your consciousness. All that makes us seem tied down is only an illusion that was created through vibrational alignment to create contrast in order for us to see a lesson more clearly and discern what it is that we truly value. Ultimately the only way we see value reflected back at us, whether that be through relationships or through finances, it only happens when we recognize the value in ourselves and live like it. To live in accordance to one's own value and truth creates miraculous shifts.

Do we want true love? Do we want success? Of course we do, but we have to do the work to become true love and to feel successful. We must align with the feeling of true love and success and take action from that space of unconditional love for self and personal value and from there we will begin to attract value via relationship and or finances into the physical through our vibrational alignment. We don’t have to work so hard to achieve what we desire, it’s not as “hard” as the mind makes it seem, the mind is limited and in return it fears the unfamiliar, it wants to protect us from the unknown, but if we trust, along the way we will be safe and receive plenty, but only if we can believe in the miraculous, if we can unconditionally believe in ourselves!